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Saturday, 16 April 2011
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to die? Lately I have been wondering, I've been thinking about death a lot lately and what it would be like to not exists anymore. I wonder what it be like to watch my death unfold and see my funeral. I wonder how many people would show up and how many would care that I was gone forever. I'd like to see how loved I was when I didn't feel it. I wonder what it feels like not to feel dead inside anymore. To not feel depressed, like the whole world is going to come crashing down on you any moment and there isn't anything you can do about it. That your watching your life unfold before your very eyes but your powerless to stop it. It feels like your suffocating to death, that you can't breath or think or feel a thing. I wonder if you'd feel weightless, light as a feather just floating across time invisible to the world below.


Thursday, 14 April 2011
This life is supposed to be the best thing there is, that your supposed to be glad and thankful that your alive every single day. The thing is what if you feel so dead inside that you secretly wish you where dead so you wouldn't have to feel anymore. No more pain or sadness, no more hole in your chest. Ya people may say to me oh get over it, it's not the end of the world but sorry guys but to me it does...How can you even live when you don't feel like your even alive most days, like your walking around in a crowded room and no one knows your even there..I thought i was getting better but im not im drowning in emotions, emotions i caused because i was stupid fml..i seriously wish there was a way you could replace your heart and forget the things that are killing you. i wanna rip mine out of me right now and never look at it again because really thats the only thing i can think of doing to get better and start living....i cant breath or think or sleep, i feel sick very day...god damn it what is wrong with me i think i need help maybe i should go see a shrink maybe it will help me.....
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
I know what it's like to look in a mirror and see disappointment and hatred, to see a person looking back at you you don't even recognize. You see a figure that worthless and will never achieve anything in life. Someone who is a wast of space and time, that you shouldn't even bother with because they are fucked in the head so stay away because they will cause you to have headache and pain. Every person who looks in the mirror always sees someone looking back who they aren't proud of or that people hate or think are worthless or fat or ugly. The thing is you've got to stop looking at the person staring right back at you and see what's inside of you...I know what it's like to feel dead inside and feel worthless, it's a crappy feeling, one no one should ever feel. I know it's hard to believe when people say to you that your amazing the way you are because you just can't see it for your self. For me sometimes I still don't believe it but I have people in my life that have changed the way I'm starting to see things and accept my self the way I am. Some days it's easier then others but everyday it gets a little bit easier. One day someone will walk into your life and change you forever, the. Maybe from that day on you'll look in the mirror and see you staring back just the way you are flaws and all. :)
Monday, 11 April 2011
this song just speaks for everyone i swear....

Everyone in this world is always looking for perfection, perfect looks, perfect boy, perfect life but the thing is perfection doesn't exists. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, everyone on this planet is perfect in their own unique way whether it be the way you look or who you are as a person. Everyone is different but amazing, people don't realize that they have the power to change peoples lives for just simply being who they are. The world it self isn't perfect so why do we always try to perfect our selves to please others? There is no one who can say to you that you aren't perfect or an outcast, be proud hold your head up for being different. Being different isn't a curse it's a gift, a gift that only you know what to do with it.Love all your faults for they make you who you are, they are a part of what makes you special and loved by others. You are perfect to the people around you no matter what you do in life so don't ever forget that....:)
Be proud to be who you are cuz you are a gift from the heaves to all the people who had the privilege to meet you and have you in their lives no matter how long it may have been.....
Saturday, 9 April 2011
I can't breath or sleep. You walked back into my life when I was finally starting to let you go and move on but now, with everything you are saying hurts me to my core. You say you still want me but is that even true? Do you really care if I walked away from you right now and never looked back? Why do I still care and worry about you? I lay in bed asking god to keep you safe and make sure you're safe, and I never pray. Why must I still love you and miss you when you're with someone else. You're a wreak, a mess your life is spiraling out of control and you don't know how to deal with it. You've become greedy and selfish and self absorbed. You only care about you feelings then anyone else's, you don't think about the consequences of your actions nor do you think about the effect you have on those people. I wish you'd grow up and learn, I wish you had a better life right now, I wish I was what you truly wanted. Because I truly wanted you forever and always, yes I may have not known you all that much but I got to learn about you and love you anyways. I always wanted to be a girl you could have been proud of, someone who you could say to the world that's right guys she's mine and I love her. I care to much about you to cast you away forever, I want to be a part of you life but I don't know if I'm emotionally ready. You have ruined me for all of eternity, you are a plague I can't cure, my own personally demon I can't face down....I just don't know what to think or do anymore when it comes to you, my lost cause, my hopeless hero, a guy who is domed for all of eternity.....yet I still love you and would stick by your side as a friend... Oh lord what has become of
me?...
.
Saturday, 2 April 2011

I woke up this morning so refreshed, feeling so much better thank god :)i finally realise women what is wrong with you, you saved your self from a stupid guy who cant do anything with his life and who isnt trying to prove anyone wrong when they say things like that to him. Im so done with stupid guys who keep blaming their childhood on how they are now, life is what you make of it now. Learn from what happened and do better instead of re living the past cuz its not gonna get you anywhere in life. Its time for me to change and not keep trying to build up the guys i know. I'm done with that, i want a real man who knows who he is and what he wants. Im done time to let go and forget the lies that where said and move on to a better future :). Any who...I feel super bad for my brother cuz things with his girlfriend arent going so well and it sucks, i know im not a big fan of her and think he deserves someone so much better but i dont like seeing him sad it sucks. Its not like i can go see him and cheer him up cuz he lives to far damn it :(. I'm just hoping things for him get better soon....What else is there thats new well hmm I love Michel from work lol god I love that kid he so makes my day at work hes the best i so wanna pinch his little cheeks lol. So adorable i swear, hes so smart for a 18 year old boy lol, ill miss him when I leave work cuz hes awesome and ive been working with him for like two and a half years. He told me how he met his girlfriend and it was such a cute story :) they are super cute together its awesome. I went to the circus tonight which was ok a little disappointing but I still had lots of fun with my friend. Bought a light sword and a jester hat lol so kool right :P. But there was this brat sitting in front of me and he totally sticked out his tongue at me and gave me the hand...like seriously kids are evil lol....but thats it for now im tired and i shall go pass out now so night to all my readers :)