Ugh seriously sorry i haven't blogged in a week, my head has been all over the place lately sorry :(. I've had so much I've been wanting to blog but just didn't know how to put it down in words and I've had other reasons for not coming on here....So I've been super busy with work, my shifts are so messed up right now and the other day I had to work a 11 hour shift because some people i work with are to fucken lazy to learn how to do their goddamn job so i had to be woken up which by the way totally sucked because it was the first time in what three Weeks that I've been able to sleep...I've been working my ass off in a zombie state of mind thanks to ZERO amount of sleep thanks to stupid dreams i'd rather not have about fucken people that should clearly be out of my goddamn mind by now but nope my subconsciousness apparently hates me at night thanks alot brain..I swear though if its not stupid retarded dreams that are keeping me up its stupid guys calling me at six in the damn morning like really why..What ever i'm just hoping as the weeks go by my brain will forget the past forever and i'll be able to sleep again and not have any sorta pain in my chest even though it hasnt really surfaced which is awesome i must say im being much stronger then I thought i would be :) go me hehehehe. I just wish i could figure out how to stop following a blog ugh ive been trying for weeks to figure it out, i bet that person thinks im a creeper or some shit hahha the funny thing is i dont wanna see the crap anymore because its gonna bring me nothing in the end right :P. So as an awesome distraction i've gotten into my anime again lol im hooked again which is ok with me because i kinda missed it so ya, ive been doing a lot of reading and crap and now so disappointed with it because they brought my fav character back from the dead which is awesome but not at the same time because now hes being controlled and is make of clay :( so cant wait to see how the story is going to unfold. What else have i been up to well then let me think....hmmmmmmmmmmm OH monday me and my bestie went to the mall to go and get Lady GaGa's new cd which rocks by the way so bought the extended edition heheheh. Then we left HMV satisfied we went to movies to watch the new Pirates movie which was ok still not as good as the first two though. Oh and now I have a new phone and number which im so effing happy about YAY i finally got my blackbarry and its a nice dark purple to ugh i love my phone its my baby lol :P now i wont have stupid people calling me at six anymore :).But so far i think thats really all i have to say at the moment im kinda tired and ya anyways people or the one person i think reads this sorry and hope to have to write soon....love you all xoxoxoxoox
Thank god this rain has finally stopped and the sun is finally coming out. Enough with the emo weather i swear Winnipeg weather is bi-polar lol :P. I swear I'm in the best mood ever lately, work is finally going good. I'm having fun being a key holder and the night staff is awesome, having good times and laughing my ass off with these crazy ass kids :P. My bestie is effing amazing i swear i love her to death i don't know what i would do with out her in my life she is my rock :). For my two days off i walked my puppy and went over to her place and had a girls night. Brought a chick flick and popcorn and just chilled until she started to pass out hahaha. Then today we took a long ass walk and took my puppy to the vet to book a appointment and then went to the liquored mart cuz I've been dying for my drink lol. Met some pretty awesome people on my way home, all of which had dogs. I swear people who have dogs or any pet for that matter is way friendlier or maybe I'm just starting to open my eyes to the world and letting my self go free. This one guy let his dog come play with Shadow for a bit, he was so sweet and told me hes been biking for miles with his dog and ya he was pretty cool then he offered Shadow a drink which was good cuz my poor boy was thirsty. Then all three of us ( me, shadow and my bestie) walked home. Then vacated to sun room once home and chilled with my bestie and talked and drank some booze lol. I probably should have drank so fast lol got a buzz but it was a nice feeling. Opened my eyes to so much stuff. Life isn't so bad once you open up and see what you have, that's what i finally did and i believe that there is something amazing waiting out there for me and i will find it :) life is wonderful and its time to stop looking at in a negative way. I'm happy to have what i have, enough being sad over stuff i don't, i never gets anyone anywhere in life. I'm so fricking happy that I'm blasting music while i shower and sing my heart out and dance like crazy. I'm 21 its time to start living my life instead of living it through someone else....... Thank you to everyone who hasn't given up on me and stayed by my side no matter what i love you all :) xoxoxoxoxoxo
Letting go of someone who meant the world to you is really tough. It feels like you're splitting your self in half and leaving the other half with them. Thats how i'm feeling right now, i feel only half here, i feel weird and empty. It almost feels like im standing in a crowed naked, exposed to the emptiness i feel now that your gone. I know that walking aways for good this time is the best thing for both me and him but why does it feel so wrong then. I mean now that i cut him from my life completely i feel a bit better, a weight has been lifter off of me but still its strange. We used to text and cam and talk almost every day and now all there is is silence. I'll never see him or talk to him again, because i refuse to chase after someone who doesnt want me to. I want to be cared about, showered with love and thought of, i want to mean the world to someone. That no matter what happens that person will be there for me and I for them. I've gotten tired of being there for them and have them use me, i dont need that especially from someone i cared about so much. I had to say this but i want him to suffer this kind of pain and i know he is right now, now you know what its like to worry about someone other then your self and miss them so much that it kills you inside everyday, to love them to no end to feel helpless that you can't be there for them. I know how it feels like but he never understood exactly how i felt nor did he care. I loved him with no end, a part of me always will love him even if hes an asshole. He was never good for me but there was just something about him that made me want to stay and help him in life but enough is enough. It's time to let things go an move on, let him destroy his life, i wont sit there and watch it unfold any longer. He has people now in his life again that will stay there for him and thats good but i just wont be one of them....If he wants me in his life he knows how to reach me but i wont hold my breath he was never one to chase after me so.....i'm letting go.......
Looking through a lens you can see a whole different world then the one around you. Its like you found a way to escape and go into a magical world of bright lights and colors, where life can be captured in a blink of an eye..Where dreams are possible and change can happen. People capture the most amazing pictures i have ever seen, someone of them are so breath taking that you have to catch your breath. Looking at a photo of a starving child makes you see what life is like and you can almost feel their pain and suffering. The length some of these photographers go just to show the world what its like in different countries, what other people are going through is amazing, they risk their life just to say "hey look at this please help to change it". Looking at a photo of loves makes you feel the power of the love they share. Seeing someone smiling and being happy makes you feel joy inside and think that tomorrow will be a better day you just have to believe it..A picture is really worth a thousand words, it has the power to change the way people see things. Just looking at a picture of someone you miss sometimes helps you know you aren't alone that no matter what there is someone out there that cares about you...One picture can change the world,I want to be one of those people one day who will bring a smile to someones face and change how people see things thought my photos i take. I want to make a difference in this world. I want to capture the beauty of this planet and share it with the world.... 
Life is always so complicated and uncontrollable but that's life right? There isn't much you can do to change it or make things different....If you where to walk in the shoes of someone else for a day you would feel their pain, go through their struggles in life no matter how big or small they may be...Everyone in this world has their own problems even if others think they aren't a big deal, but to the person who is going through it, it might feel like the end of the world. Every living being handles life differently, some drink to escape, some do drugs to numb them selves from reality, some cut them selves to feel the sting of that pain then the one they feel every moment and some just can't deal and end their lives..You could walk down the street and see a girl dressed in black with heavy make-up and judge her for what she looks like, but the thing is you don't know whats shes going through in life. You don't know if shes being beaten at home, raped, teased at school or has lost a loved one. You can judge people for what you see on the outside but you fail to see what that person you are looking at is going through in life..You may see a pretty skinny girl on the street and envy her for her looks but what you don't see is a girl who fights with an eating disorder and struggles to keep a grip on reality...Everyone in this life has a different way of seeing the world and the things around them so one day stop and think before you judge someone because you never know what that person is going through....Everyone is unique and different and they deserved to be loved no matter what....You should never lose faith in people because sometimes you might meet someone who will change your life forever and change the way you see your world and help you in more ways then one...They might actually save your life and you wont even realise it :)....xoxoxxoox So the next time before you judge someone get to know them and see what they are about :) 
Ahhhh i can finally breath again...I feel like a bird who had lost their wings and was weight down by pain...No more i feel no more pain i have washed away my demon, I have found my wings once again and it's about time i start to fly. Time for me to live my life for me and stop stopping my self for something that isn't even worth it.....Time to sore high into the unknown because who knows whats waiting for me in the big unknown. This life is full of crap and people do stupid shit but its time to turn my life around and believe in a better tomorrow :. Cuz i know there is something wonderful waiting out there from me i just got to find it :)....xoxoxoxo love you all :)
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