Heart on Fire

To forgive someone is probably one of the toughest things for me to do. I'm the type of person that sadly holds grudges until the day they die. I have the tendency to remember the meanest and crappiest things people have said or done to me. I don't know how many times i wish i could just forget shit and push my pride aside.

I've never really been one to think about cancer or someone close to me dying but it has always been at the back of my mind..A few weeks ago one of my oldest and dearest friends told me news that will forever change her life.Her mother whom she is every close to and loves dearly found a lump in her breast and the doctors discovered that it was cancerous. She had went for many test and had to wait weeks for the results, which i think is retarded for something this horrible our health care system should be alot fast and more sufficient..It infuriates me to see it neglect the people who need the most attention ugh. After waiting weeks they found out it's pretty bad, she has stage 3 cancer :(, she just recently started chemotherapy which is making her vary sick and unable to eat much, she will have to go for surgery and get her breast removed. I honestly don't know how my friend can handle all of this the way she is, she amazes me. She told me that shes just trying to stay positive and try to keep up faith that it will get better. At ever possible chance I get that she needs me, even for just shopping, i'm there in a heart beat. I've been trying to keep her distracted and keep her mind on other things but i just wish there was more I could do for them. As long as she needs me i'll be there to help her in anyway I can because I hate seeing her go through this..:( I keep hoping and praying( even though i'm not the most religious person out there) that her mom will get better and make it through this..I pray that one day cancer will never be an issue in this world.

So I've had a very interesting two weeks, i swear I've barely been home, been dragged out with friends to do so many things from parties, to shopping for 80"s theme clothing lol I'm about ready to pass out :P. But the most interesting thing about this week is i had a DATE yes people i said me,i had a date :P. We went the Forks for a walk and shit lol, he's a nice guy but i don't know, I'm actually enjoying my single life, no worries about being there for someone its kind of freeing not gonna lie, but my friends keep telling me to get out there and date but to me its like why? I'm not one of those girls that need a man in her life but they don't seem to get it ugh of well lol. The crazy thing is for the longest time I've been saying shit like ugh i want to kiss someone and hold and just be held but boy now that it happened I'm like meh hahahah. We made out and i felt nothing at all, i don't know if it was because of nerves or just no spark.....But he was lovely enough to inform me that oh he did feel something that day lol if you get what i mean lol. My friend is all like take it as a complement that you made a guy hard just from kiss him hahahahah. I swear i've heard the best lines ever from guys, from "I'd prefer you didn't break up with me" to " your attractive enough" to the latest one " your hips were mesmerising me, and you're an epic kisser a very sensual girl" hahah oh boy guys amuse me :P

I swear this year can't get any better, I'm having the time of my life. I've met some amazing people at school, the are so funny and crazy and i love them all. I made a new friend and i love him to pieces :). So far I'm doing pretty good, not quite sure if this is really what i want to do for the rest of my life so I'm going to give it a month and see how it goes and if not I'm going to look at different schools and see whats out there is this big wonderful world....Love you all xoxoxox

I swear sometimes i should really check the mail box earlier. I got my letter from school today and ripped it open and...I GOT ACCEPTED, so its official starting January 23 I'll be attending the Academy of Broadcasting. I'm so excited heheheh :)

I'm pretty excited i got a call back from the Academy of Broadcasting the other day. So yesterday i went for the tests and did really well so my application form was sent off. One of the teachers actually said i have great potential so I'm hopeful that I'll get accepted, keeping my fingers crossed :). Finally i feel like my life is starting to turn around, sadly still looking for a damn job though, oh well...

You read books and watch movies that speak of love like its so wonderful and with it you can over come anything like space and time. That there is someone out there for everyone, that when two hearts are destined to be together they will find their way back to each other. Can you imagine a love like that? one that is so powerful and true that it makes every dream and sorrow worth it, that no matter what you can concur all. Can you imagine that there is a person out there that you are meant to be with? That even when you die and your soul is reborn in the next life you will find each other once more even though you may not know it right from the start. Wouldn't that be wonderful if love was like that in real life ( i know i sure do). Jane Austen fell in love with a man with whom she could not be with because of his family's status, not enough money to support her in life. Jane never got married, she loved one man all her life. I can bet she never for one second forgot about him and you can see that through her books. For those who have watched Little House On The Prairies and loved Marry and Adam sorry to disappoint you but the real Marry never did get married, there was no Adam Kendell. But the one big love story in that show was Laura and Almonzo, their love store is one to remember. Hardships, age difference, lose of children, failed crops and illnesses, yet through all of it their love prevailed until their last days together.  Even though Hollywood or authors may make love grander then it truly is don't give up faith on your happily every after. You may have to weed out plenty of guys to find the right one, go through heartache and hard times but there is a happy ending for everyone out there whether or not its with someone......live life to the fullest, have no regrets, and love as much as you can even when it seems hopeless. It's never wrong to love someone even if it doesn't work out because at least you gave it your all...