My Blog List
-
~Promo Tour~ Angela Scavone - *PROMO TOUR FOR ANGELA SCAVONE* Love by the Book & A Journey Home *LOVE BY THE BOOK* *Genre:* Contemporary Romance Fairytales don’t always work out the ...
Popular Posts
-
I know this may sound really stupid and crazy to some people but I really don't care. Ever since I started reading books I've had a ...
-
Sweet Evil is the first Angelic, Demonic book by Wendy Higgins. Book description: Embrace the Forbidden What if there were teens whose ... -
Palmistry, tarot card reading or crystal ball readings, most people are sceptical when it comes to theses. Many people fear them, they be... -
Of Poseidon is the first installment of the Of Poseidon series by Anna Banks Book description: Galen is the prince of the Syrena, sent... -
I've never really been one to think about cancer or someone close to me dying but it has always been at the back of my mind..A few wee... -
Clockwork body parts are touted as a medical miracle by the companies who make them, high fashion by the stars who sport them, and a ... -
Choices by Sydney Lane Published 2013 Release date summer 2013 Fate brought her her e, but will her choices destr...
-
Vendetta is the first instalment in the Amaranthine Blood series by Elise Valente. Book description: “The odd scent she’d picked up ea... -
I've been giving my past a lot of thought simply because a couple of my friends have hit ruff patches in their lives and are having dark... -
Breathe is the first instalment in the Sea Breeze series by Abbi Glines. This is by far the most tamed book of hers that I have read ...
Sunday, 26 August 2012
I try not to dwell to much on the past but sometimes it just sneaks up on you all over again. I could simply be reading a passage in a book or be watching a scene of a movie and the memories will rush back to me. Whit it it always brings on waves of soul shattering pain all over again. Most times I can handle it but sometimes I'm just to weak to fight it and let it cripple me. I'll curl into the fettle position and breath heavy and weep till the pain washes through me. I was 3 years old when my father left us, so I don't have that many memories of him but the ones I do have aren't pleasant. Anytime my brother ans I would go visit him he'd either be to hung over to pay attention to us or to lazy to really care. I don't know how many times growing up did I feel miserable when I had to see him so at one point when he stopped putting in any effort to see us I just stopped trying to see him. After awhile I just grew this numbing pain inside my heart from it. Every time I'd see a movie about a father and daughter together at her wedding or anything like that , the pain would sweep through me. Don't get me wrong I have a step dad and we used to be close but things changed as I got older. Even having a step dad still can't fill the emptiness in my hear that my real father has left there. I will never have my father at my wedding giving me away or any important moments in my life. Two years ago he came to talk to me and said he was sorry for his selfish ways and that he wanted a relationship with me. I did not trust a word he said because I've heard it all before way too many times...I sat there crying being unable to say all the things I've been wanting to for years. A father is supposed to be the the one man in your life that you should always be able to count on and he let me down. He did it again , he turned his back on me after he swore he had changed. I think no matter what I will never truly get over this pain in me because I feel that maybe in a small way I had something to do with the reason why he never cared about me. I know it's stupid to think that but it's hard not to...I think that's why I tried sooo hard to keep my uncle in my life because he was someone I looked up to. His opinion of me mattered alot and growing up I always looked forward to his visits. Now I just feel left behind by him to and it hurts so effing much. I wanted him to be in my life but he won't even try, he doesn't even care and it feels like someone took a knife and stabbed me with it..
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
0 comments:
Post a Comment