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Sunday, 5 June 2011
I've been living the past month with a wall surrounding my heart because I didn't want to feel pain or sadness. I've been wanting to feel alive and not dead inside. I've been doing a pretty good job at it not going to lie, i've been having the time of my life with my friends and the night staff at work. I've laughed more then I ever have, but deep down i knew that sooner or later the wall would break away because i've felt it give away for the last couple of days..I hate it the stupid dreams came back and its really starting to piss me off, im not even thinking about that shit but BAM it hits me like a truck all over again, my heart feels heavy. I've been flirting with guys and there was even a guy who wants to go out with me but i dont trust anyone. My heart feels so closed off from the world. And this guy seems like such a sweetheart too and ugh what the hell is wrong with me fuck I hate my self right now its not even funny. Its so easy to flirt with someone when you feel nothing for them, it feels like they are missing something...idk anymore....fuck