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Wednesday 27 April 2011
Have you ever sat down and just thought to your self you felt out of place like you lived in the wrong time period, the wrong century? I have, i wish you could turn back time and live in a different time just to see how it was back then and see if it was better then how the world is now. Id love to go to a time where men looked like men, they wore top hats, open doors for you and wrote you letters. When men had to court you and show you respect, when they had to ask your father for your hand in marriage. It be a nice change from the guy that show no respect for girls anymore. Some guys you can't even tell if they are a guy or not, the one good thing about the new days is that gays are accepted more now and back in the day they weren't, they where shunned or even killed, many had to hid it and marry a women and pretend to be happy and thats no way to live a life. It would be nice to be back in a time when family meant something, when mom's stayed home and fathers came home after work and spent time with the family after a long day. When families would take vacations together or simply go out together...those days are long dead, i dont remember the last time all the family has been together, heck i don't talk to half of my family because they are just to busy and don't give a shit about us...It would be nice to see a time when pictures where in black and white and poor people where happy even if they didnt have what everyone else did. When it wasn't all about money and material things, where computers didn't exists and you had to write a letter to get a message to someone. A time when you got all dressed up to go to a ball and flirt and have fun, not go to clubs and look like sluts and hook up with just about anyone. A time when people got together and had fun, a time when you wanted to listen to music you either had to play and instrument or use a Berliner Gramophone to play music. I can picture in my head how it must have been to dress up in a dress everyday and feel free and fancy...It seems like such a magical time one that should come back but sadly technology has ruined this world, people are greedy now and just don't care anymore....
Tuesday 26 April 2011
I feel so out of place, like there is no room for me in this world. I feel lost and confused as to what I'm here for. People say to me I'm important to them, that I matter. Then why is it I never feel like I do matter. You open up to people and tell then how you feel hoping they will feel the same way about you. You tell someone you love them and that they mean the world to you, yet when they say it back you feel empty inside. I don't think you should feel empty when it's said to you, a person should feel a warm heat pass through their body, an overwhelming sensation of love and happiness. Then someone please explain to me why I feel so dead inside when I'm told he loves me and that I matter to him? Why do I feel the need to run away from him and never look back. Block him from my life for good. My mind is screaming at me to see something that isn't there. Maybe he was right, maybe my mind is clouded by my feelings for him. Maybe I'm too lost in a fantasy that will never happen. Maybe I'm so lost in the picture he painted in my head that I can't see who he really is. My world crashes down on me every time he says he has nobody, that everyone he cared about is gone. My voice wants to scream out to him what about me, don't you see me, can't you see I'm still here and I still care. I've always been here why can't you see that. Your boo isn't the only one that you had in your life, I'm here, I mean I know I can't be there beside you and make you happy. I just wish you could acknowledge the fact I do exists, that I haven't left your life even if everyone else you know has. I wanna be happy in life and not feel dead anymore. I wish he could have what he wants in life and decide what he wants from me...I'm here yes but I know he needs someone over there and I'm not and probably never will be so let me go then, be with the one you want right now.
We all have hopes, dreams and fantasies. We all hope that one day our lives will change, get better that our dreams will come true. When we where little our parents would read to use about lands far away about magical worlds of creatures we could only dream of. They would tell little girls that one day when we would grow up we'd meet our prince charming, that he would sweep us of our feet and live happily ever after. That monsters didn't really live under our beds they only lived in our imagination. Our best friends when we were little where imaginary, made up to not make us feel so lonely in ours solitude. The thing they failed to mention to us is that when we grow up life isn't all fairy tales. It's tough and sad at times and that not everything has a happy ending to it. People die and leave your side. Sometimes bad things happen to good people, your heart will get broken many times. You will cry over people who are gone and left you alone. You will have to fight to keep going when you feel like you have nothing left to live for. Life is ruff and that's a fact but even if your life is hard now things might look up in the future. It might take a while to see any good but it's out there waiting for you to find it, and when you do whether it be a new job, new adventure or someone has walked into you life and changed how you feel you will be happy. Just hold on for a bit and just maybe you will have your own kind a fairy tale even if it was an imperfect one :)
Can you close your eyes and picture exactly how the best day of your life was like and remember ever detail that if you painted a picture of it, it be so vibrant and tangible you'd feel like you could step right through it and go back to that day. I remember mine so very well that my friends all say i could right a book thats how well i remember it..It was February of last year, my mom bought me a plane ticket to Toronto to go see the King Tut exhibition they where having. My uncle decide to put me up in a hotel downtown so i'd be close to everything and that way he wouldn't have to put up with me at his place lol. It was my last day in Toronto and it was snowing woohoo on my last day of all days right :(, anyways my uncle asked me if i wanted to go for lunch before he had to go to work so i met up with him at Starbucks across the street from my hotel. We decide to go eat lunch at the restaurant in the Eton Center. While we ate lunch he kept asking me what time i was going to see my friend Steve, so i kept texting him to ask when he was going to meet up with me so my uncle would leave me the hell alone lol but i think i was getting on Steve's nerves lol my bad..So after we finished eating my uncle left for work and I decided to walk around the mall for a bit but got bored and i was sleepy so walked back to my hotel after it took me a while to find my way back frick i couldnt see anything in front of me thanks to the stupid snow...When i got back to my hotel i tried to pass out for a bit but i was so restless and i dont know why..I was just chilling in bed when my phone buzzed and i jumped at it. He texed to tell me he was on his way and my heart just started racing and i was thinking to my self ugh why am i getting excited im supposed to be mad at him. So i jumped out of bed put on my fav pair of jeans the ones i thought my ass looked hot in lol , did my hair and my make up yet again and tried to make my self look so pretty ugh :P He text to let me know he wasnt far away so i told him to meet me in the lobby, so i took the elevator and waited for him to show up...The moment i saw him crossing the street my heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat, i was like to my self i am so FUCKED...He crosses the street and pulls out his phone to text me to let me know hes here but lol i was already outside by the time he sent it :P surprise :P He just gave a look that said well that was fast. God he looked so good even in person ugh lol. So we decided to go to the movies, which i had to remember what way to go cuz he had no idea lol. Ofcourse it had to be super slushy and slippery that night right, so ofcourse i fell on my ass right in front of him, man did i wanna die right then and there:(, im just so glad he did not laugh at me. The whole way to the theater i had to keep grabbing on to him so i wouldnt fall,which i was totally ok with lol it was a good excuse to be close to him :P. When we finally made it in one peice to the movies, he was so sweet and opened the door for me which i'm so not used too. We decided to see the Wolfman cuz that was pretty much the only movie I hadn't seen yet. So he bought hes ticket and im just standing in line like an idiot while he starts walking towards the escalators lol, he turned around and says to me "what are you doing arent you coming?" and i'm like "umm I have to buy my ticket..." he's like "I have your ticket right here". im like dang surprised my face didnt turn red :P. So when i make it to the escalator with him i'm holding on to the railing for dear life cuz i hate heights, ofcourse he was getting a good laugh out of it. We where both hungry so we got New York fries to eat, even though i was kinda nervous so i didnt really want to eat even though my tummy was telling me too. So we went to sit on a bench like couch to eat and him being him forgot stupid napkins and he was making a mess with his poutin :P so i got off my ass to get him some:P. It was so funny cuz we where just talking when i turned to him and said " your computer self sucks just so you know, you in person is way better" :P im too honest with him i swear.....Finally we could go to our seats and man was it dead in there. We sat in the top row and talked through out the whole fricken movie, while in my head i was like god i wanna kiss him so badly right now ugh but no i can't we are just friends frick ugh lol :p. This one part of the movie made me jump ugh i felt so silly, he just sat there giggling at me lol fricken jerk:P. When the movie was done i had to pee so bad so i gave him my drink to hold onto while i went to the washroom. After i was done we left and i told him i was going to break my mothers rule and invite him into my hotel room lol, we had no where else to go cuz everything was closed and our feet where soaked. My crappy ass cheap boots and his shoes with holes in them :p. So when we got to the hotel i called my mom to let her know i was safe and that things went well and that he left tehehe but that so wasnt true cuz he was right beside me :P, im horrible i know. I told him to keep quite while i was on the phone and i tried so hard not to laugh :P. After the call we just sat there all awkward and quite then i said to him " you didnt give me my hug like you said you would lol" and he's" neither did you" so he gave me side hug cuz he was sitting down lol, in my head i was like YAY :P. We chatted and had a pillow fight teheheh and then i hid under the covers cuz im cool like that lol. After all the silliness and his shyness which was so cute :), we layed down and he started to play with my ring and i was like " what are you doing? you having fun playing with my ring" he smiles at me and say's " well i need and excuse to hold your hand" insta red i tell you...I looked at him and i was like " i wanna kiss you" and he's like "go for it" so i did i kissed him, god did it felt so good to. I just laid there with him for a bit but was starting to dose off so i told him i had to get up early cuz my plane comes at 6 am and it was already 2am so ya. He got dressed and i hugged the crap out of him, i just didnt wanna let go of him. Not even 10 minutes after he left the fire alarm went off in the hotel so i had to run and through some clothing on cuz all i was wearing was a t-shirt lol. I had to run down 23 flights of stairs that was so not fun. When i got outside i called him 6 times before he picked up and asked him if he was far from the hotel and he said no and i told him what happened, he asked me if i wanted him to come back and i said only if he wanted to and he said i didnt want to leave in the first place (aww right :). So i waited in the lobby for him to get there. I was so happy yo see him lol even though i was pretty shaken up about the whole thing. When we got back to the room we just crashed on the bed, and discovered that the white sheets wherent so white anymore lol..His stupid rodgers shit was staining the bedding hahah, so i had to put down my purple blanked on top so he could laid down on it:P. Then we both programed our phones to go off at the same time so i could get ready to leave in a few hours. After awhile i was freezing so i let him go and went under the covers, he didnt like that lol so i told him well he could just get rid of the problem then he could join me lol but ofcourse i didnt wanna tell him to take off his shirt so he kept kissing me until i would so i told him and he was like was that so hard and then took it off lol me being me didnt even look at him lol. Then he crawled in beside me and yanked me onto of him. God i was so comfy, he was so soft and it was nice to listen to his heart beating while i tried to sleep. He kept putting his chine down so i would lift my head and he's kiss me teheheh. When the alarms went off i didnt wanna get out of bed but sadly i had too :(, i didnt have time to shower i felt so gross and tired so i through my hair into a ponytail and called it a day. The part that was going to be interesting was going down in the morning with Steve beside me to meet my uncle in front of the hotel. Let me tell you it was so awkward, they shook

hands and then i hugged him for like the tenth billionth time and then my uncle took off to the car with my bags so i turned to Steve and planted one on him :P.....there is so much more to this story but its so hard to but it all down in words....That was the best day of my life, i wish i could have that night every night, that night i fell more in love with him then i already was. I never though i could have met someone who could mean so much to me that id do anything for them. He frustrates me to no end, pisses me off, makes me wanna beat his head in half the time, but i wouldnt trade him in for any other guy. I love him no matter what happens in the future whether we are together or not, hes like first true love and even if i meet someone else they will never be him. A part of me will always love him no matter what life brings us....I LOVE YOU.......................
Sunday 24 April 2011
SO last night my girls came over to get ready to go out for my birthday, it was some real fun :p my hair was being so stupid megz couldnt get it to work for her so i ended up giving up and just straighting the stupid crap. It took us forever to get ready to leave plus i wasnt helping cuz i was on the comp lol. Our original plan was to be at the pub by 8 or so but nope lol we got there at 9:30, we are slow as hell to get ready:P. I swear when we got there and the way we where acting you would have thought we pr gamed or something, thats just how fucked up all three of us are :P. The moment the waitress came around it was all shots one right after another, probably not such a good idea but fuck did i feel good :P. I think i drank a littl bit more just cuz i was feeling like crap cuz i started shit yet again with he who shall not be name ugh. But anyways this other waitress came around to give us free beer and im not a beer fan but heck why not its free and i knew if i didnt drink it one of my besties would. She got so hammered it was so funny at one point during the night she was so gone that she took her drink and her straw and shoved the straw up her nose and snorted it up her nose hahahahah god her face was priceless :P. After awhile though me and her left to go get fresh air cuz she started to have a bit of a melt down so i took her out side too cool her off a bit. I just sat there and listened to her and tried to tell her that no matter what has ever gone down between us in the past 11 years i put behind me the past is the past and i know its hard for her to trust and show how she feel and i understand that and i wouldnt abandon her for anything, it just hit home listening to her though cuz its like i was listening to he who shall not be named, and what he must feel and think and i felt like shit. i drank more after that, and when we got home i sent him like a billion messages on msn and one on fb, i think hes still mad at me and i hate it, i fuck things up so much, its not all his fault all this crap happened maybe if i was a little more understanding then it wouldnt have been so messed up. My friends passed out but i just couldnt sleep my mind was spinning and hurt like a bitch and i was just thinking too much, i was so pathetic that last night i turned on my ipad and passed out to him picture on it, i just couldnt delete them off of it. I woke up at six and just started crying and feeling like shit...ugh but ya then my girls woke up and we talked and had some more good laughs and then they left and i passed out cuz it felt like i had a hammer in my head :P but ya that was my wonderful night :P it was fun, it was good to let loose and have lots of fun and feel nothing :)
Saturday 23 April 2011
So me and megz went to the movies yesterday for my b-day and saw Water for Elephants. I was a little sceptic about seeing it just because i had read the book and usually when that happens i end up hating the movie ( twilight) lol. But no this movie was good, so cute, it wasn't that close to the book but i think they did a pretty good job keeping the story line close. When the end of the movie was coming up me and megz got all teary eyed lol we are such big saps i swear lol. Probably doesn't help that every stinking time a see a movie with rob in it i miss he who shall not be named more damn it. but anyways when we left i grabbed one of those movie magazines that they always have there and flipped through it when i got home and discovered something....Rob is going to be in T.O this summer so not cool, not we are both bummed out cuz me and her where supposed to go but aren't and now we really want to go cuz we want to see him...ugh drool lol hes so hot haha id rape him k lol im not the only one that would megz would too. :P. Rape him with our eyes hahahhhaha :p ah the things my friend says :P but ya its so not fair cuz if we knew before he was going to be there we so wouldn't have canceled our plans this is bunk....
How can people tell you trust them when they never really give you are reason to...Im so sick of this same crap over and over again with you..when we started talking again we where just supposed to talk like friends but now we aren't. You are telling me things that kill me inside because i crave to have them. You keep telling me if you had your own place you'd still want me to be with you that it would make you happy, that you'd have everything right there and you wouldn't have need for anything else. but why is it that you tell me these things but I can't seem to believe them at all. You say them yet go around missing someone else so much that you say your lonely and hate it that you keep her pics close to you so you can feel happy and giddy inside just looking at her. Then why tell me all you have been and expect me to believe it when I see that, do you know realise how much that hurts, how it feels like you've taken i knife and gamed it inside of my heart and twist it until i feel so much pain that I feel dead...Like honestly what do you want from me? Its either you want me or you don't its that simple, you keep telling me is my choice, its my decision to pick what i want, but the stupid fucken thing is you already know what i fucken want...I WANT YOU, i wanna feel like im the only one you want, i want to for once in my god damn life to feel loved by you. I want to know that what you say to me is true that its not a lie. Because if all you're doing is painting a picture in my head for your own fun stop it, it hurts, you keep pulling on my heartstrings and its painful. I dont want to find out that the only reason why you keep me around is just because i have feelings for you and you like having someone be madly in love with you. I just feel like when you talk to me especially last night you get lost in our world and the moment i leave and the cam or msn shuts off its like you blink away everything and are just sitting there thinking " do i mean what i say or who is that"...its like once im out of the picture im completely forgotten, erased from your thoughts until we speak again......Seeing you makes me light up and you can see it, i try to keep my smiling on a down low to not show you but the moment you flash me your smile im fucked, the moment you look at me im fucked, my whole body felt on fire last night just because i got to see you, it felt so good to but now not so much, now it all felt like a dream like i was trapped in a fantasy that will never come true. I feel like the moment i start to get happy something has to come in and stop it " oh no Megan is getting happy again k lets ruin it"....i want to go see him but would it really be worth it in the end, I don't want to go there and have the time of my life and then come home and see him just talk about someone else because that might just kill me this time......................why must being in love with someone be so fucken hard.................................i don't know why it was always so hard to say you love certain people, if they dared you to write somewhere you loved them you'd do it but with me you wouldn't even change your facebook status..one of the things that gets to me is that i've known him the longest and out of all the girls im the oldest too. Like i feel he can't be real with me cuz im his age or something i just dont get it, is it because im not 16 or 18 is it because im 21 you just can't be open and real with me ugh.............
Wednesday 20 April 2011
What the hell is wrong with me. I keep digging this whole and emptiness bigger and bigger every fucken day I talk to him. I swore to my self I was never going to let him back in but no, he has to say stupid shit again to get me to start thinking again just maybe. I don't know why I punish my self like really can't I see that he misses her and wants her even if he says he won't once everything is done. That's total bull shit because if it where true why blog about how much you miss them and crap. Fuck me I feel so stupid, I'd give the whole fucken world to this guy and for what just so he can Tare me down and damage me more then he already has. Fuck my life, why am I so stupid to keep believing he means what he says. I fucken feel like a back up plan ugh. Why god do I do this why fuck fuck fuck........why can't I just open my eyes and see the truth ugh..
Saturday 16 April 2011
I swear can anything else go wrong this week I'd like to know. First off I've been feeling super sick for four days straight thinking it might be because of my new birth control. I've been throwing up having the shits like really. I had to miss work because of it ugh. And now yesterday when I finally decide ok I'm not feeling so sick I can go back to work well Frick I should have just stayed in bed. I got ready for work in record time for once I wasn't running behind on time. I get to work almost no one is talking to me guess it's because I wasn't there for to days I don't know whatever fuck. So I put my stuff away count the tills and the start counting inventory then I get interrupted so I can go and get king size chocolate for the front. Of course the bars I need where down aisle six where they don't belong and where piled with boxes onto of them. So I grabbed my friend and asked her to help me. When I went to reach for the box that was way up high I guess I pulled something because I felt shooting pain down my neck and left shoulder. Tears just pored out of my eyes fuck did it hurt. I got off the ladder and went and sat down. My manager told me to go home so I packed up and headed home which was painful trying to put my jacket on and walk home. When I got home my mom called my doc and got me an appointment for two thirty. When I got to the docs they examined me and told me that I sprained a neck muscle and my rotary muscle in my left shoulder. Isn't that bloody fanfuckentastic. So now I cant really move my neck or yawn because it hurts like a bitch. And now on top of everything else my ears are hurting. I think they might be infected isn't that lovely. Can this month/year end please and thank you....
I wish for one more day with you. If I had any wish at all, I'd wish to see you one last time. If I knew I was about to die because of a sickness and was granted one wish it would be to be flown to where ever you are. I'd love to spend one more day just lost inside of you, to forget the past and just focus on that one small moment. I wish I could have your arms wrapped around me holding me tight to you making me feel so loved in that one instant. I want to look into those troubled yet beautiful brown eyes of yours and be lost in the wonders of them. I want to ruffle you hair and hear you laugh again and hear you be joyful. I wanna feel your heart beating beneath my hand while you sleep. I wanna touch that scruffy face of yours that I Love so much and see you smile back. Id love to brush my lips against your just once more. I wish I could take away your pain and make things right for you. I hate seeing you suffer so. I want to see you happy even if it's not with me. I'd sacrifice my heart and happiness just to see you happy and living. I couldn't even imagine a life without you in it. You're broken and troubled but very loved by people that you don't even realize do. My wish would be for you to be happy in life and for you to not listen too all those fools who keep trying to bring you down. You are strong just believe in your self and you can do anything in life. I believe in you and always will even if the rest of the world gives up on you. You have the power to change peoples lives and I would know because you have forever changed mine :).....just have a little faith in your self...
I'm still that lonely girl waiting for you to take my hand and let go and leap into the unknown with me. I've been waiting for you to finally step close enough to reach out and grab me but every time your getting closer you pause and take a step back. Why must you always keep me standing there alone waiting for the day you take the risk and let me in. Why do i keep holding my breath every time your close to me? Why do I keep waiting for my dream to come true when it never will, not with you.. My hand is outstretched just waiting for someone to pull me out of the cloudiness and darkness you have left behind. I can't see or speak nor think or sleep. I'm a zombie just standing in a crowded room where everyone is happy. I'm empty and miserable without your light.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to die? Lately I have been wondering, I've been thinking about death a lot lately and what it would be like to not exists anymore. I wonder what it be like to watch my death unfold and see my funeral. I wonder how many people would show up and how many would care that I was gone forever. I'd like to see how loved I was when I didn't feel it. I wonder what it feels like not to feel dead inside anymore. To not feel depressed, like the whole world is going to come crashing down on you any moment and there isn't anything you can do about it. That your watching your life unfold before your very eyes but your powerless to stop it. It feels like your suffocating to death, that you can't breath or think or feel a thing. I wonder if you'd feel weightless, light as a feather just floating across time invisible to the world below.


Thursday 14 April 2011
This life is supposed to be the best thing there is, that your supposed to be glad and thankful that your alive every single day. The thing is what if you feel so dead inside that you secretly wish you where dead so you wouldn't have to feel anymore. No more pain or sadness, no more hole in your chest. Ya people may say to me oh get over it, it's not the end of the world but sorry guys but to me it does...How can you even live when you don't feel like your even alive most days, like your walking around in a crowded room and no one knows your even there..I thought i was getting better but im not im drowning in emotions, emotions i caused because i was stupid fml..i seriously wish there was a way you could replace your heart and forget the things that are killing you. i wanna rip mine out of me right now and never look at it again because really thats the only thing i can think of doing to get better and start living....i cant breath or think or sleep, i feel sick very day...god damn it what is wrong with me i think i need help maybe i should go see a shrink maybe it will help me.....
Tuesday 12 April 2011
I know what it's like to look in a mirror and see disappointment and hatred, to see a person looking back at you you don't even recognize. You see a figure that worthless and will never achieve anything in life. Someone who is a wast of space and time, that you shouldn't even bother with because they are fucked in the head so stay away because they will cause you to have headache and pain. Every person who looks in the mirror always sees someone looking back who they aren't proud of or that people hate or think are worthless or fat or ugly. The thing is you've got to stop looking at the person staring right back at you and see what's inside of you...I know what it's like to feel dead inside and feel worthless, it's a crappy feeling, one no one should ever feel. I know it's hard to believe when people say to you that your amazing the way you are because you just can't see it for your self. For me sometimes I still don't believe it but I have people in my life that have changed the way I'm starting to see things and accept my self the way I am. Some days it's easier then others but everyday it gets a little bit easier. One day someone will walk into your life and change you forever, the. Maybe from that day on you'll look in the mirror and see you staring back just the way you are flaws and all. :)
Monday 11 April 2011
this song just speaks for everyone i swear....

Everyone in this world is always looking for perfection, perfect looks, perfect boy, perfect life but the thing is perfection doesn't exists. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder, everyone on this planet is perfect in their own unique way whether it be the way you look or who you are as a person. Everyone is different but amazing, people don't realize that they have the power to change peoples lives for just simply being who they are. The world it self isn't perfect so why do we always try to perfect our selves to please others? There is no one who can say to you that you aren't perfect or an outcast, be proud hold your head up for being different. Being different isn't a curse it's a gift, a gift that only you know what to do with it.Love all your faults for they make you who you are, they are a part of what makes you special and loved by others. You are perfect to the people around you no matter what you do in life so don't ever forget that....:)
Be proud to be who you are cuz you are a gift from the heaves to all the people who had the privilege to meet you and have you in their lives no matter how long it may have been.....
Saturday 9 April 2011
I can't breath or sleep. You walked back into my life when I was finally starting to let you go and move on but now, with everything you are saying hurts me to my core. You say you still want me but is that even true? Do you really care if I walked away from you right now and never looked back? Why do I still care and worry about you? I lay in bed asking god to keep you safe and make sure you're safe, and I never pray. Why must I still love you and miss you when you're with someone else. You're a wreak, a mess your life is spiraling out of control and you don't know how to deal with it. You've become greedy and selfish and self absorbed. You only care about you feelings then anyone else's, you don't think about the consequences of your actions nor do you think about the effect you have on those people. I wish you'd grow up and learn, I wish you had a better life right now, I wish I was what you truly wanted. Because I truly wanted you forever and always, yes I may have not known you all that much but I got to learn about you and love you anyways. I always wanted to be a girl you could have been proud of, someone who you could say to the world that's right guys she's mine and I love her. I care to much about you to cast you away forever, I want to be a part of you life but I don't know if I'm emotionally ready. You have ruined me for all of eternity, you are a plague I can't cure, my own personally demon I can't face down....I just don't know what to think or do anymore when it comes to you, my lost cause, my hopeless hero, a guy who is domed for all of eternity.....yet I still love you and would stick by your side as a friend... Oh lord what has become of
me?...
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Saturday 2 April 2011

I woke up this morning so refreshed, feeling so much better thank god :)i finally realise women what is wrong with you, you saved your self from a stupid guy who cant do anything with his life and who isnt trying to prove anyone wrong when they say things like that to him. Im so done with stupid guys who keep blaming their childhood on how they are now, life is what you make of it now. Learn from what happened and do better instead of re living the past cuz its not gonna get you anywhere in life. Its time for me to change and not keep trying to build up the guys i know. I'm done with that, i want a real man who knows who he is and what he wants. Im done time to let go and forget the lies that where said and move on to a better future :). Any who...I feel super bad for my brother cuz things with his girlfriend arent going so well and it sucks, i know im not a big fan of her and think he deserves someone so much better but i dont like seeing him sad it sucks. Its not like i can go see him and cheer him up cuz he lives to far damn it :(. I'm just hoping things for him get better soon....What else is there thats new well hmm I love Michel from work lol god I love that kid he so makes my day at work hes the best i so wanna pinch his little cheeks lol. So adorable i swear, hes so smart for a 18 year old boy lol, ill miss him when I leave work cuz hes awesome and ive been working with him for like two and a half years. He told me how he met his girlfriend and it was such a cute story :) they are super cute together its awesome. I went to the circus tonight which was ok a little disappointing but I still had lots of fun with my friend. Bought a light sword and a jester hat lol so kool right :P. But there was this brat sitting in front of me and he totally sticked out his tongue at me and gave me the hand...like seriously kids are evil lol....but thats it for now im tired and i shall go pass out now so night to all my readers :)