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Thursday 31 March 2011
Everyone around me thinks right now that im strong and happy, but its not true. Every day when I wake up i have to drag my ass out of bed cuz i didn't sleep much. I wake up and get ready to go to work and put on a fake face that says "hey guys what's up, im so happy" but in all honesty im dying inside lately. I was so fueled by anger and frustration that things never really set in that things are really over for good, that he really doesnt give a shit about me anymore that ive been cast aside. Now that I've realised that I cant breath, sleep or think. Im a zombie most days, I go around talking and acting fine when im not. My friends keep telling me oh dont worry Megan things will get better and hes an ass so dont wast your time on him. But the thing is ive given two and a half years to him already, its hard to just shrug this off and walk away untouched. I wish i was the type of girl who could just forget and move on and leave it behind me and look forward to the future but im not. Guys talk to me and all im doing in think about him and wishing it was him. Like FUCK what is wrong with me. Why can't I let this go already. Its been almost three weeks and I haven't slept much. I dont care if he reads this and laughs and says im a fuck up, i really dont. the fact of the matter is that i dont want to let this go i dont want to forget him. I want him as anything, just having a part of him would be nice. Just having him care about me even a little would be nice. I maybe stupid when it comes to this but i cant help it. Hes hurt me bad but i still care about him no matter what.....I just wish someone could rip out my heart and get rid of the problem once and for all..........
Wednesday 30 March 2011
So i've been super unlucky for the last past couple of weeks which totally suck i might add :(. I keep dropping shit, i feel empty inside, work is being a total bitch ( whats new hahah). But then tehehe i finally got some good luck, my friend Krystal decided she'd go with me to the circus which im super excited!!!!! cuz ive never been ( crazy i know)...Then i went to the Forks ( an old train station that now has restaurant and shops, its the best place in Winnipeg) and visited my Chinese store cuz i always do i go say hi to the lady that owns the store and shows me whats new. They had this pretty new yellow jade dragon necklace that i fell in love with but sadly was $50.00 :(. But the lady said to me " you always come shop here and even when you dont you at least stop by and ask me how I am, you are a valued customer so im going to give it to you for $35.00" I was like "NO WAY" that was super sweet i love her to pieces shes so nice :). After that i found new plugs :) cheetah print teheheh super hot grrr :p. That was the best part of my week, but my ear is still killing me i think i might have to change the earring cuz i think my ear is rejecting this one :( stupid ear how i hate you .......Im really hope tomorrow i get good news at my ortho about my braces, i hope i get them off my b-day cuz that be the best b-day gift ever...well there would be a way better gift if something else happened but it aint so i'll take my braces getting off :p maybe then i can attract a guy lol someone who doesnt find me too old '_'...
Tuesday 29 March 2011
Ugh seriously its 5:05 am and I'm tired as fuck. I couldn't fall asleep last night, I kept moving, couldnt find a comfy spot at all. I'm so tired this morning that when I took a shower I almost used shampoo to wash my self hahah. Wow I'm going to be useless at work today, this shall be entertaining. I think its cuz i was so excited to finally find someone who'd go to the circus with me on sat. Teheheh so excited :)....
Sunday 27 March 2011
An old man once said ...There comes a time in life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. You surround yourself with people who make you laugh, forget the bad, and focus on the good. So love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. ~ this is so true, life may bring you down sometimes but you must pick your self back up even though sometimes you rather not. Life isnt always easy, its a pain in the ass but there is always a brighter tomorrow :) i'm trying to live by these words. I my be sad but soon the pain will pass and i'll be whole again i just got to keep believeing that there is something better out there just waiting for me:)
so whats new with me lately well lets see...hmmmm well this week i went to the Titanic exhibition which was AMAZING, i so loved it. It so made me in the mood to watch the movie though. Honestly I shouldn't have been allowed in the gift shop cuz i spent a little too much money ooops :P. I also went with my bestie to the mall and took funny pics in the photo booth teheheheh so priceless. We are crazy ass girls i tell ya always snapping pics :p. So glad to have her in my life to keep me going and smiling :). Then the next day me and her when to her friends place to get our piercings lol so entertaining i tell ya. I so made her good first :p im so bad but hey they are her friends so ya..when she was finally done i got my second hole in my ears done which wasnt so bad except for my right ear, that one hurt a bit more and now its itchy as all hell ugh. Then I was brave enough to get my nose done again and boy did i swear this time around cuz it hurt like a bitch, plus it didnt help that she had to clamp my nose so she could get the needle through. Now though my nose doesnt hurt it does feel numb though weird...oh well...i think thats pretty much it really...my life hasnt changed all the much, just waiting to see what going to happen about my trip either T.O still or maybe New York City..who knows just waiting.......
Friday 25 March 2011
Man I'm so excited about today, i cant wait till this day is over. Because I'm getting my nose done and my ears teheheheh. I'm so pumped, this is going to cheer me up that's for sure I cant wait. At least something good will happen this week :)
Tuesday 22 March 2011
Fuck seriously id be great I need sleep, i can't seem to be able to. Saturday i had stayed up until five in the morning and couldn't put my mind to rest thanks to stupid crap. Then Sunday all hell broke lose on me so that was exciting, i got so fueled by anger that I couldn't sleep until after twelve and I had to be up and five. Now last night I was so so so tired that I thought I would pass out but no. I tried to sleep from 8:00pm but couldn't settle my mind sadly. Fuck sakes like really brain can you just forget everything please. I'm tired of closing my eyes and having nightmares like I cant take it, I need sleep to be able to function.....:( please kill me...or knock me out cold so I can sleep lol either one would be nice.
Monday 21 March 2011
People always tell me when you love someone you just know, you feel it in the core of your being, but sadly sometimes you fall in love with the wrong people. The people who you know with dick around with your feeling cuz it makes them feel more like a man. And stupid me I am one oh those people who gave their heart to the wrong person. This guy was someone who I thought was amazing and troubled and I wanted to give him another change to make me believed he changed but boy was I wrong. He haddent changed at all he just changed his game play, told me everything I wanted to hear cuz he knew he was my weakness. I fought with my friends and my mother over him. I told him my deepest secret that I've been holding on for like 13 years but i trusted him enough to tell him. He knew how i felt about him he knew i was in love with him and he knew why i am the way I am when it comes to guys. So for him to do this to me again and expect me to stay his friend are you fucken kidding me like wtf shit head. You told me you loved and that you wanted to live with me and have a future with me then I find out you're in love with another girl like WTF and a girl who happened to be you Ex Fiances friend like whats wrong with you. She didn't want you cuz she was taken and that's why you went for me I was her replacement. But cuz i was throwing shit in you face over and over again you went after someone new who now you say you love. Fuck you Buddy you love every fucken girl you meet. You really don't know what the meaning of love is, you are stone cold and heartless...I was a fool to give you my heart again cuz i knew what you'd do with it. You always say things are different and that things will get better but they never will with you. You think you are gods gift to women or something but your not. Because you've been hurt in the past you think its ok to hurt girls cuz of it. Living that way wont get you anywhere in life you can think I'm nuts or on something but i really don't care what you think of me. I took my heart back from you and dusted it off and put it back where it belongs. I may hurt for a bit but you will never ever see another tear come from my eyes cuz of you cuz i didn't lose anything, you lost someone who really cared about you with everything they had and you throw it away so that's your problem. You want to be an asshole then go right a head. We could have been friends if you would have been up from and honest about things but you weren't so GO FUCK YOUR SELF YOU SELFISH SON OF A BITCH....you will never know what its like to love someone....I know that this one isnt the last cuz you will move on when things get bad and end up cheating on her too cuz thats how you are one girl is never good enough for you and it never will be. Once a player always a player. So have fun with your life......
Friday 18 March 2011
Ugh seriously I shouldn't be allowed to drink cuz every time I do I get lonely and end up missing someone like crazy. All I wanted to do last night when I got home was pass out but i was wishing he was there so I could pass out in his arms and sleep and just bury my head in his chest..But sadly that didn't happen i went home to a empty bed that only occupied my pillows. Pillows just doesn't cut it from me anymore and i hate it. I hate seeing couples and know i cant be in one, it sucks balls and its lame :(.....I wanna get my own place and move out and see how life goes for me after that cuz this i cant take anymore, i cant take this being at home anymore. I have this itch that i cant scratch..This pull to leave and do something new with my life..
Man last night was so funny and interesting :P Me and my girl took off by 8:00pm to go to Dylan's, thank god when we got there, there wasn't a line cuz fuck we were freezing. Dylan's was interesting it was the first time I've ever been there so ya. When you go in it looks more like a club then a pub which was kindda disappointed not going to lie. It didn't feel Irish like my regular place does. The booze was way more expensive there then it is at Shannon's so that suck and then they ran out of my drink :(. The best part of that place tho is that it was way bigger and holy shit all the good looking guys in Winnipeg are hiding there and most of the people that where there where dressed pretty out there like me so i didn't feel like such a dork hahah:P. The music sadly suck so it wasn't the best place to go. Me and my friend so sat in the wrong place at the beginning cuz hahahaha there were these drunk girls that decided to move a tree out of their way and while they tried to do that while being drunk dropped in on me and her hahah ya that's right we got attacked by a tree in a pub :p A few guys commented on my hair lol and hit on me which is so weird why the hell is it if I wear a wig and a green one at that I get hit on go figure makes no sense to me. After a while we got bored there so we took of to the Tavern across the street, that is when the entertainment started XD. We got in free of charge which was AWESOME! It was so packed tho but we managed to find a table so that was good. I had my last drink of the night so ya. We didn't stay too long there either cuz us being lame asses started to get tired so when got out of the Tavern which btw is attached to Canad Inns so we went to the lobby to call a taxi. When we were waiting for them to pick us up there was a bunch of guys just standing around waiting for their own taxi. This Asian guy from the group comes up to us and says "hey i love your hair its awesome and your crown in super cute" :p. It was super funny me and Megz couldn't stop laughing. While we wait one of his friends opened the door to ask us if we thought he was a smooth operator hahahah or a bit of a creeper. We said no to the first question and a little bit to the second one :P after he left us alone we saw a cab coming so we rushed outside and almost fell on our butts hahah so not fun. But when we got to it it took off cuz some retard from the pub scared him off so not impressed fuck. Went back inside and the guys started talking to us again haha they were awesome so made our night. They where like is that your real hair and kept touching it and asking me a bunch of questions lol they where so fucken funny :P pure entertainment......oh boys i tell ya when they are drunk XD.....
Wednesday 16 March 2011
Oh boy, I shouldn't be allowed to talk about things at work with Megz hahah. Telling her about my last trip to T.O but my face just went super red ugh it was crazy. Of course then I had a stupid goofy grin on my face until the end of my shift. Thanks girl geez hahahah. Now im really looking forward to going this summer, should be lots of fun, way more this time around seeing as im going with a friend wooohoo. First trip away from Winnipeg with one.....SO EXCITED HEHEHHEHEHEH. I so want it to be July right now fuck :P. Get to chill with my Bestie and go exploring :, maybe see Sam if i go early enough. Pretty pumped tho if I can cuz I think it be awesome :) id love to meet her hheheheh. And to spend time with someone else and maybe see my uncle if he isn't too busy with work that is...
Tuesday 15 March 2011
Do you stay awake at night thinking about me?
Do I ever cross your mind?
Do you think about the future? and if I'm in yours?
Do you just randomly wish I was with you when you see couples?
Do you wonder what I'm thinking about during the day?
Do you wonder what I'm up to when I'm not talking to you?
Do you wonder if I'm angry with the things you say?
Do you believe me when I say I love you?
Do you believe me when I say I'm in this for good, that I never wanna leave your side again.
Do you trust me with your heart? that I'll never do anything to hurt you.
DO you believe me when I say you mean the world to me, that I cant see my life without you in it.
Dose your heart pickup when I say I love you?
Does your heart race when I talk to you and tell you how happy i am to know you?
Do you get excited about the fact that you'll see me soon?
Do you wish I was I was in your arms right now?
Do you wish I was yours as much as I wish you where mine?
Do you wish you could see me now?
DO you wish you could kiss me again and hold me close?
Do you wish you could wake to my face in the morning and see me smiling back at you?
DO you?????..........
So this morning was pretty awesome i must say :). I woke up at five started to get ready for work and checked facebook like i do every morning (lame yes) but now has become routine hhaha. The i saw who was on and i got excited to totally logged on to msn haha even tho i was supposed to be getting ready for work oh well :P. I had a great conversation with that person lol so made my day it was the best, i so didnt want to get off and go to work but seeing as i wasn't really paying attention to the time i was running behind to leave for work ooops my bad :p so i had to rush out the door thank god i only live ten minutes away from work so i wasn't that late..Ugh but when i got to i had so much crap to do and it sucked..oh well right i suck it up everyday and deal...but my bestie totally made my day better by telling me that her friend got her nose piercing kit in so now i can get my nose redone WOOHOO and at the same time my second hole on my ear done too, im so excited teheheh :D. When and ran some errands after work stopped at Chapters before going home and bought Water for Elephants which i heard is good so i thought id give it a read even tho i still got a million of other books to finish heheheh. I such a book nerd i swear im surprised i came out with only one book today and surprised i didn't drop by HMV lol but i will be doing that tomorrow tho with my bestie gotta see whats new there. I love that store i swear. After doing that and getting some food to eat i headed home and played with my puppy and talked to him again and it went really good tonight i think I'm starting to feel better about things kinda, I'm just trying not to pin all my hope on things to much cuz i know I'll get hurt bad if i do so ya.. that is all really...
Monday 14 March 2011
You know what i hate most, i hate when people are having a bad day and take it out on the people who are just trying to be nice to them like wtf so sorry I'm trying to be nice to you even though your being snappy..ugh i hate when people get in one of "their moods" where don't ask them anything cuz BAM they well be on you ass like there is no tomorrow. Ugh its so frustrating im just trying to be nice and make conversation i don't mean to pry into you personal business or anything im just trying to find something to talk about with geez. I swear i cant do anything right anymore like i should just fuck off and leave them alone for good and not bother them cuz that's all i feel like i am a bother..i hate feeling like that cuz i part of me feels like it dies when they get frustrated with me or snappy..maybe i should just stop asking questions and but out of everything and just whatever...I don't know what to do anymore fuck I'm so lost.......................I should just stop being emotionally attached to people and just play it cool cuz being like this and always spilling my heart out there isn't getting me anywhere right now sadly and i hate it..i hate feeling this way. one minute things are fine and then the next they aren't ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh......
Sunday 13 March 2011
People are always wondering why i take your crap or why i am the way i am or why i still care about you? there are so many answers i could tell these people but even then i don't think they would get it. To answer the first question why i take hes crap or anyone else for that matter well ill tell ya..When i care about someone i don't just want to give up on them cuz of a stupid fight or cuz they have lied to me..i always try to see the good in everyone even though yes i know i shouldn't cuz normally i end up getting hurt but i don't care. I like being there for people when i know they need me to be. i care about people more then i should and i know that but i just cant give up on people that's just the way i am. I didn't give up on my friend for 11 years even though we stopped talking for awhile cuz i knew that we would fix things one day and that's what happened. just like with the guy i care about him and I'll always be there for him no matter what our past was like cuz i love him and that's that. to answer the second question why i am the way i am well that's easy. I was born this way, i was always so scared to do anything always so worried what people thought about me. I always thought i was too ugly or too fat to dress the way i wanted to or be the way i wanted too until i met the people i have in my life now. My besties Megz and Rina and SH changed my life forever. Rina was the first person to accept me when i moved here, Megz befriended me when i had no one else in my life and SH tough me to love myself no matter what people say or think. Thanks to all these people I finally stick up for myself and dyed my hair red with black in it, got a tattoo and stretched out my ears and become a bit punky lol. its always how i wanted to be so I'm doing it on my own terms. I found people who have accept me for me and in turn i have accepted them for how they are as people. Now for the last question why i still care about you well here goes nothing lol. I still care about him cuz being around him is like a breath of fresh air. When I'm around him its so easy like I've known him forever like we are old friends. Hes just so easy to be around its crazy..Hes the first guy I've ever been able to open up to and be my self with. I can get mad at him and call him names but he'd still be there for me, i mean what kind of guy would put up with all your bullshit and still stick around you? He know why i don't trust guy and why i am the way i am he knows everything there is to know about me and he accepts it and its wonderful. I love being able to just be me with him. Hes my best guy friend who I've fallen in love with. Even if I'm not the one he wants then so be it, ill deal with it cuz i rather have him in my life as a friend then not have him in my life at all so ya..i think I've answered all the question to the best of my knowledge if i think about more ill write more to this but this is all i can think of at the moment....
Saturday 12 March 2011
I was just sitting at home today playing with my dog when my phone buzzed. My bestie sent me a text saying she need to talk..what she told me totally pissed me off. This stupid douche shes been seeing sorta asked her friend to be his fwb likw WTF, seriously can i just kick he's ass cuz i really want to..I don't understand guy they are never happy with what they have its like they need to have multiple girls going after them to boost their confidence or some shit. I can't talk cuz i keep liking guys that have self esteem issues..like ugh come on if we like you it's because we think your perfect the way you are and don't want you to change but sadly they just don't get that and then fuck up and cheat..then they realise after they fucked up but by that time its too late in most cases. Guys always say they know what they want but its not true. Like a guy i work with he says he doesn't like me but i don't buy it, he's always fluster when I'm around him, talks way too fast and cant remember words so mmhmm ya you so don't like me ok then...Why cant guys just make up their minds about what they want in life...its an easy answer either you want us or you don't. you cant have things two ways..sorry it doesn't work that way...
Ahh i remember the good old days when we where kids and we didn't have to worry about anything. Boys where yucky and life was what you wanted it to be.. I remembered the day my mom told me we where moving out of Ontario to go to Winnipeg, i was so sad that i couldn't even bring my self to go to school my last day there, which i still regret cuz i never got to say bye to my friends :(..For many years i was home sick and missed my friends to this day i still hate Winnipeg and wish i was back in Ontario..When I started school i was treated like the out cast right from the start no one wanted to talk to me i was the new kid the loner the one that everyone ignored..but that changed the day i went to my grandparents and saw a group of kids playing soccer out side, that was the day things started getting better for me here i met my bestfriend who I've know for 11 years. I got up the courage to go yup to them and asked if i could join them and they let me :)..i was so terrible at soccer at the time that every time i kicked the stupid ball it would always go in the wrong direction that i kept apologizing for it hahha..after playing for awhile they invited me in to get a drink and met their parents which i totally fell in love with lol they have become my second family i swear..The first time i met her dad he asked me if i wanted to marry hes oldest son lol who was so much younger then me heheh oh how i love them..her and i just instantly clicked..every weekend for that point on i would say i was going to sleep over and my grandparents but in all truth id take off and stay at her house :P, every summer it was the same thing, id crash over at there house and go to the beach with them or to Brandon, even most new years i spend it with them its a tradition...Her and i where crazy ass kids, the game we used to play, we had our own imaginary world where we came from, our owe boyfriends which where always anime boys lol mine bow my head in shame was Link from Zelda hahah oh god that's right he was the first love of my life what can i say i guess i had a thing for a man in tights and pointy ears hahhhahah XD. we would spend hours just lost in our fantasy world we created where all the bad stuff that happened to us didn't exist, it was our escape from the real world and what awaited us there..One day we would be getting married or the next day we would start a band everyday it was something new and exciting :)we where inseparable..we would dress up and be princesses or in my case a elf princes :P..We would go for walks to the park and explore the river side. ahahha i remember this one time in winter when i was about 10 and her 11 and we wanted to cross the river and made her brothers go ahead with a stick to see if it was safe ahahha we where so mean to them cuz really it could have been us that should have went cuz they were little kids at the time :P Her and I are still friends today no matter how many fights me and her have gotten in we still have each others back..We could stop talking for months or fight over a stupid boy but we would always fix it in the end..She is my oldest friend the first person in Winnipeg to accept me and be my friend when no one else wanted to..She is my sister, one of the best things to happen to my life...I can never thank her enough for all she has done for me..I'm so glad Ive met her and I'm so glad she is my friend i don't know how things would have turned out for me if i never met her :) She is a true friend... We have done so many stupid things in life together but we accept each other no matter what...Love you always my sister from another mother :p
Everyone in this world is addicted to something or another..whether its drug,music or booze, everyone has their own type of drug that keeps them going through life..I have many things I'm addicted too. Music is one of them I'm always with my Ipod or blasting music in my room..hence the reason why i never answer my cell cuz i never hear it hahhah my bad i know :P. But there is something out there I'm more addicted to then music and its a very sad addiction and i hate my self for admitting it :(..I'm so addicted to this guy i know, i swear its sickening, he corrupts my thoughts every day I can't get him out of my head no matter what, wait that's not true when I'm with the guy from work i get a breather for a little bit hahaha :P. have you ever been so addicted to something that it feels like its taken over your life and you couldn't live without it now that its in your life cuz i know thats how i feel most days. If things are going bad between us its like i got a cloud hanging over my head and i keep asking my self what i did wrong or whats going on...man i think i need help i got problems i swear hahah oh boy..its like i have a need to just be around him, just see him even for a bit but i only think I'm like this cuz i never get to see him or be around him and it sucks cuz of the distance...stupid distance curse you lol..i swear i have way too many thoughts going through my mind at once, i keep trying to drown them out with music but never seems to work for too long.. i even try reading and getting lost in my books and that seems to help until it gets to the romantic crap and then im like ugh seriously, life is so not like that hahah even though you wish it where...I wish there was a way to shut off my brain for a little while and not have constant thoughts about him but its so hard i keep think what if he where here right now, what if this or what if that..i really have to stop it cuz what if might not happen so i cant keep thinking to far ahead just like he keeps telling me i shouldn't do lol but I'm a girl that's what we do we build all this crap up in our minds and when everything falls apart we are left with nothing but our dreams that will never come true, i don't know why we do this

to our selves...stupid SH for making me this way lol I still love you anyways :P
Thursday 10 March 2011
I'm so thankful everyday for the friends that i have in my life, whether they are new or old time friends. I don't know where I'd be in this world right now if it weren't for these special people. I love them all, they are all different but each have an important role to play in my life. I love you guys, thanks for always being there when I need advice or a shoulder to cry on when i was having a bad day. I will never say that I've been a perfect friend cuz heck i haven't been and I'm surprised that you guys stood by me no matter what was going on or if we got into fights and stopped talking for awhile. you guys are my hero's, boys may come and go in my life but you guys will always be there no matter what:). i just hope i can keep being a good friend and deserve to have you in my life...thank you so much, i know Ive fucked up in the past but i will do better from now on, i will always be there for you guys even if we ever stopped talking or if we moved away for each other..I do miss some of my old friendships sadly, maybe one day things can be fix and we will have grown up enough to work on things who knows right? So thanks, Z,M,S,S..<3


So my mom and I decided to go to Applebee's for supper and ugh the food wasn't so good I feel so sick now :(..It was so busy tonight too, lots of people celebrate their birthday, so it was loud and a lot of clapping and cheering. Man i cant wait for my birthday. Then my mom started talking about me looking for a better job if i wanna move out and other things i don't care to talk about anymore ugh lol. so what if i still talk to him and think about the future if there is one for us..if there is an us cuz i don't know where he fully stands, ugh i so just want him to move here so maybe we could have one, who knows maybe one day right.....anyways when i went to pay holy cow there was a huge line, and of course employees are looking at the line but don't get off their ass to take the people cuz you know what would mean they would have to do something. Behind me there was a girl who smelt like food and perfume ewww so gross...but ya that was my interesting dinner hhhaha
I wouldn't say I'm normal or abnormal lol I'm in the middle of the two. most girls my age would love to go out and party and have a crap load of sex with as many guys as they could get there hands on but me nah. I'll take a trip to liquor mart with a friend and buy some booze and watch some stupid cheesy romance movie and cry over the fact we have no one hahah.. most girls i know love shoes especially high heels and boots..but me I'm all about the converse. god they are my lovers hahah i love those shoes i swear i could have ten million pairs in my closet and i still wouldn't have enough:P..I'm a dork who loves to just stay at home and read a good book and listen to music..watch a sad movie and cry my self senseless hahaha...I'm all about spending time with a friend going for a walk when its not freezing out or go to the moves and just chill. i love playing video games and anime, vampire shit and fallen angels..so ya I'm a dork or a nerd what ever you wanna call it lol i was born this way baby and i love who i am, I'm crazy but i love it, it keeps people on their

toes teheheh.
You are my everything why can't you see that. Why can't you see me when I'm right in front of you....I love you more then I can explain. I miss that night with you, I miss the sound of your voice, the way you laugh and the way you make me feel when we talk. I miss us even though us has never been perfect. I just wish you could take me in your arms and tell me everything is going to be ok and that you truly love me with all of your heart....I wish I could look in to your eyes and see right into your heart. You have consumed my every though and i hate it so much, my head is screaming just forget about him he doesn't want you stop being stupid but my heart doesn't want to let you go and just lose my self in you and all that you are... why does this have to be so hard and complicated, I wish you could see how much i care and how much i want to be with you. I was willing to drop everything for you just so i could be with you cuz i miss you.. you where right when you said you have infected me. You injected your poison into me the moment you touched my hand and kissed my lips and held me close to you...I love you and miss you even tho I'm so angry with you...True love doesn't come by finding the perfect person,by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly..<3 and that's how i see you, you may not be perfect, a little ruff around the edges but I've accepted that even if its hard for me to do so sometimes..I promised I wouldn't give up on you and I'm trying to keep my word..I heart you sexy best;)....


People out there do you not agree that music is the best thing in the world..seriously if music had not been invented the world would be a miserable place to live in...I love music it's my life, it really is if I could have a job in music I so would be on that shit lol. I love all kinds of music out there i swear if you could see my Ipod you'd me like Megan WTF haha. I have music from all over the world on it, India, japan, Bosnia,Chile you name it i probably have it on there, what can I say I like variety :p I"m open to pretty much anything anyone thinks sounds good, punk,rock, rap, country you name it and I'll listen and see what I like...right now I'm listening to songs from Burlesque hahah ya I like musical they are catchy sometime I can't help it. Music just makes me happy when I'm feeling sad or angry. Lady GaGa usually does the trick, she's my girl XD I'd so love to meet her one day that be so kick ass i tell ya :P Music is the way to ones soul, I'm my case that is true...
Man today is one of those day where you wish the week was already over...I woke up for five this morning and almost fell out of my bed ya i'm not a very graceful person ever, i tend to walk into things alot or trip over my own two feet but anyways :P getting back to my day hehehe, i finally managed to dang my lazy ass out of bed and make it to the shower with out falling which was good cuz I'm so not stable today. I swear today one side of my body feels heavier then the other cuz i keep tipping over so not good when you have to climb up on ladders at work..But thank god cuz i was feeling like shit my boss let me go home earlier woohoo now i can blog..hmm maybe I'm getting too addicted to this hahha its my new drug :P On my way home i stopped by subway to get some food cuz i was finally getting hungry and i got to see my subway guy lol god i love him he's awesome, so hoping he does come out with my and my friend for st. Patrick's day cuz then I'd be a blast tehehehe:P I haven't seen him in was a little over a month :( so happy he's back to day shift so now i have someone to talk to again next door woohoo XD
Wednesday 9 March 2011
maybe people should take their own advice sometimes like really. It pisses me off cuz I really love this guy and Ugh are you kidding me some people have some nerve to say they love you but never effing show it. Like really when you love someone like you say you do all you see is them you don't say " hey guess what I'm in love with someone else besides you, just so you know, but don't worry cuz I love you more" are you kidding me.....how is anyone supposed to believe that especially when you go around fricking writing about the "other one" but never about the "one you love more". What saying I love you everyday is supposed to make things better well guess what buddy it doesn't and it frustrates me that they don't even understand why your so pissed at them especially if you guys had a shitty history in the past. Like come on, do I have a sign on my face that says " HEY BOYS SHES EASY SO FUCK WITH HER HEART K". And what makes me more angry is when they have the nerve to preach to other guys about being a better boyfriend cuz its like ummm excuse  me but have you taken a good look in the mirror lately and seen you..umm ya i don't think so. Having the balls to  say how if you hurt your girlfriend and she wants to talk cuz shes hurting inside stop what ever your doing to see if you can fix things...mmmhmm coming from you who was always like " sorry I'm watching a movie right now, or i have no where to go to talk" ya mmmhmm  it sucks cuz im scared he doesn't mean them " I love yous and the I miss yous" im scared im being played as a fool again and that hes really going to hurt me and it sucks cuz he means so much to me ugh stupid guys ugh............
Love is probably the most complicated thing out there, it's hell on wheels lol. You never know whats going to happen next what direction its going to take you or where you will end up in the end. Every last person in this god forsaken world is trying to figure out exactly what the word means cuz hey everyone has there own opinion when it comes to the word right?. To me love is one of the best feeling in the world but also the scariest one at the same time. Its so hard to trust people now days and to know when your really in love. Me I am in love but the real question is, is the person I'm in love with really love me back? or are they just saying the word cuz they think its what I wanna hear? that is the biggest question of all. Can you always trust that the person who say these four letter word to you really means it...hmmm dang don't you just wish sometimes you can get into the mind of a guy and see what he's really thinking...one day maybe ladies we will be lucky and will be able too :P. Anyone who is brave enough to put them selves out there and just open up to the people they love are amazing :). No one should be afraid of love and just going for it no matter how scary it may seem or when people do not agree with the person your picking the only thing i can say is that life is short live everyday like its the last, just be wary of the ones you think love you back , but no matter what you will get hurt but hey its a part of life it will only make you grow stronger and love more :)
Hey everyone out there who will read this which I don't think will be many hahah oh well... Anyways my name is Megan I am 20 years old, I'm from Winnipeg as most of us here call it the butt crack of Canada seeing as not too much exciting stuff happens here sadly...I'm really sorry if my first couple of post are lame just trying to get the hang of this and figure out what to say and not look like a totally idiot..good luck with that right hahaha. So as of the moment I'm working at a crappy ass job that so doesn't pay me enough,I can't really decide what to do with my life as in school wise. My life isn't all that exciting but I really don't mind it so much cuz I have great friends who are always there to entertain me and keep me sane lol.