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Thursday, 31 March 2011
Everyone around me thinks right now that im strong and happy, but its not true. Every day when I wake up i have to drag my ass out of bed cuz i didn't sleep much. I wake up and get ready to go to work and put on a fake face that says "hey guys what's up, im so happy" but in all honesty im dying inside lately. I was so fueled by anger and frustration that things never really set in that things are really over for good, that he really doesnt give a shit about me anymore that ive been cast aside. Now that I've realised that I cant breath, sleep or think. Im a zombie most days, I go around talking and acting fine when im not. My friends keep telling me oh dont worry Megan things will get better and hes an ass so dont wast your time on him. But the thing is ive given two and a half years to him already, its hard to just shrug this off and walk away untouched. I wish i was the type of girl who could just forget and move on and leave it behind me and look forward to the future but im not. Guys talk to me and all im doing in think about him and wishing it was him. Like FUCK what is wrong with me. Why can't I let this go already. Its been almost three weeks and I haven't slept much. I dont care if he reads this and laughs and says im a fuck up, i really dont. the fact of the matter is that i dont want to let this go i dont want to forget him. I want him as anything, just having a part of him would be nice. Just having him care about me even a little would be nice. I maybe stupid when it comes to this but i cant help it. Hes hurt me bad but i still care about him no matter what.....I just wish someone could rip out my heart and get rid of the problem once and for all..........