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Tuesday 18 December 2012
Gun control in the states has to change, after all the monstrosity that's happened in that country. I was shocked to find out that since there has been talk about forcing more control on assault rifles, the demand and the percentage of sales have double since the shooting in Newtown. I just can't understand WHY on earth you need a stupid ass assault rifle in your house or anywhere for that matter. To me the only people that should have guns on them are police officers and army men. Watching Piers Morgan tonight had had to fully agree with him, something needs to be done, if you look at anywhere else in the world that have more control on weapons they have less mass murders by guns. The gun control council Mr.Pratt thinks that there should be more gun, that teachers should be trained and armed like are you a f****** RETARD how is that supposed to help!!!!! What ever happened to learning how to defend your self without the help of a weapon?? I wish this world would change and maybe revert back a bit to the earlier years.

Sunday 16 December 2012
Many people across the world were in shock by the brutality and the tragedy that has taken place in Newtown, Connecticut this week. I was sitting at work on break browsing the Internet when I discovered what had transpired. I was in shocked and flabbergasted, how can anymore I mean anymore point blank kill someone let alone innocent children. Children, people's babies, I just can't believe in this day and age that there are people out there that can partake in this act of evil :'(. Something must be done to protect the people and the children of this world..

R.I.P all the little souls and older souls that were taken too soon from this world. My heart goes out to the community and the families that have lost so much. I feel bad that these people go home to empty rooms and Christmas presents that shall never be open. I wish you peace and future happiness.




Friday 26 October 2012
Twitter had become more then just a social net work for me, it's become a way for me to talk to the best people I've ever had the pleasure of meeting :). Miss Jen is crazy,loving, sweet and a total dork but that's why you have to love her :), she can always cheer anyone up even if she isn't feeling well. She's also a very kind and caring person, I mean come on she sent us OMP!!peeps buttons to represent Finale and TeamPatch in it's final hours. Manon is so adorable, cute, funny,silly and super sweet :). I love how my crazy awesome French friend has trouble understanding me sometimes and sometimes I have to try and figure out what she is trying to say but honesty talking to her is one of the many highlights of my day. She will always ask me what is wrong if there is something bothering me, always a good listener. Miss British is simply great :p she is strong willed, opinionated, crazy and just lovable :p. We always have a tendency to argue over something but I wouldn't trade that for the world, she is always keeping me on my toes and I love it :). My young friend Morelia is very passionate about the things she loves, she's always coming to me for advice and I always cherish that. I love being able to be there for her when ever she needs me because I know how cruel life can be at her age. She is so sweet and innocent but she doesn't see it. I hope one day she can. I love my twitter friends like crazy, if I hadn't met these wonderful people when I did I don't know what I would be like now. In a way these people helped me out of my funk, they made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. I owe them so much but I'll never fully be able to repay them for their kindness and friendship.. Love you guys <3
Since I thought my life went to hell a year ago a lot has changed. I've met wonderful new people whom I love dearly. Started a new job which I enjoy it a lot just not enough hours sadly. I feel like I'm on the brink of finally deciding what to take for school. My confidence level has gone up some what so that's great. I definitely learnt a lot about my self that has opened my eye to a lot of crap that went down last year. I've come to realise that i was so scared to lose someone who I thought was the most important person in my life, that i became to attached, to forceful. Thinking back on it now its like yikes..I scare my self. I guess I was just really wanted someone to care about me and not to leave. But by being that way I was ( not saying they were Innocent cuz they weren't) I ended up pushing them away, in all honesty i don't blame them. In a way I'm glad it happened because i learnt from it. Plus in the long run them not being in my life is a good thing. I'm not going to say that through out the year it was easy, because it wasn't. But I can remember when Thanksgiving came around and I walked into the living room and it hit me*bam* and I looked at my mom and said "hmm today is Oct,8th it's officially been a year" it didn't bug me or cause me pain like I thought it would have. For a long while all I could do was think about it, but now it's just a thought at the back on my mind. I'm way more guarded now about my feelings or letting my self like someone. Sometimes the past is a good thing to reflect upon because it can teach us the order of our mistakes and how to learn from them..Life is one big journey with many bumps in the road that leads to many different out comes.
Sunday 26 August 2012
I try not to dwell to much on the past but sometimes it just sneaks up on you all over again. I could simply be reading a passage in a book or be watching a scene of a movie and the memories will rush back to me. Whit it it always  brings on waves of soul shattering pain all over again. Most times I can handle it but sometimes I'm just to weak to fight it and let it cripple me. I'll curl into the fettle position and breath heavy and weep till the pain washes through me. I was 3 years old when my father left us, so I don't have that many memories of him but the ones I do have aren't pleasant. Anytime my brother ans I would go visit him he'd either be to hung over to pay attention to us or to  lazy to really care. I don't know how many times growing up did I feel miserable when I had to see him so at one point when he stopped putting in any effort to see us I just stopped trying to see him. After awhile I just grew this numbing pain inside my heart from it. Every time I'd see a movie about a father and daughter together at her wedding or anything like that , the pain would sweep through me. Don't get me wrong I have a step dad and we used to be close but things changed as I got older. Even having a step dad still can't fill the emptiness in my hear that my real father has left there. I will never have my father at my wedding giving me away or any important moments in my life. Two years ago he came to talk to me and said he was sorry for his selfish ways and that he wanted a relationship with me. I did not trust a word he said because I've heard it all before way too many times...I sat there crying being unable to say all the things I've been wanting to for years. A father is supposed to be the the one man in your life that you should always be able to count on and he let me down. He did it again , he turned his back on me after he swore he had changed. I think no matter what I will never truly  get over this pain in me because I feel that maybe in a small way I had something to do with the reason why he never cared about me. I know it's stupid to think that but it's hard not to...I think that's why I tried sooo hard to keep my uncle in my life because he was someone I looked up to. His opinion of me mattered alot and growing up I always looked forward to his visits. Now  I just feel left behind by him to and it hurts so effing much. I wanted  him to be in my life but he won't even try, he doesn't even care and it feels like someone took a knife and stabbed me with it..
Monday 20 August 2012
Am I afraid to love again? Am I afraid to get attached to someone again? Am I afraid of letting my heart feel again? YES I am..I do have feeling for someone but I keep burying them inside of my self, and lying to my self when I say I feel nothing. I know it's bad to do this to my self but I'm scared to get attached to him because he's not here plus I'm super scared that if I let someone into my heart again so soon it will be ripped apart after months of me picking up the pieces and putting them back together. I don't want to rely on some guy to make me smile and feel joy again, I'm not ready to try and make someone my everything again. Plus I don't really want to ruin the good thing I have going with him right now. So If I'm a coward and a stupid girl so be it. But until i know someone is worth for me to give them my heart I won't...
Sometimes when I sit outside and look up at the beautiful blue sky up above me I often wonder what this world look like back in the day. How people used to live their daily life, what they had to go though just to live each day. I'm such a curious person I think that's one of the biggest reasons why I love history so much. It just fascinates me to no end, I love to learn what people used to have compared to what we have now. In a way it makes me more appreciative of what I have in my life. For me being able to one day Egypt or anywhere in Europe would be a dream come true. To be able to touch a piece of history and really take it all in would be AMAZING might have a mini heart attack :p. If I ever got to see the pyramids and reach out and touch it I'd probably shut my eyes and try to envision what it looked like in all its glory. Living in Winnipeg you don't have all that must historic places and the few we do i love, gives me a sense of home almost. If I could travel back in time thought out history and see and experience everything no matter how bad or scary it would be, it'd be life changing. I'd love too see my past lives and maybe see why I'm so attached to certain time periods and certain countries. I believe if every body would take the time just reflex a little on the past maybe life would be better and people wouldn't be so self involved anymore. The past is a tool for us to learn from and grow from our mistakes but I don't feel like we are using the greatest tool at your disposal.
Thursday 9 August 2012
I was never one to believe in God or heaven, but lately I've been really thinking about it. Who knows maybe it has to do with the books I read...Is good and evil so clear cut? or is it more grey, a thin line that sometimes people cross because they think they are doing good? I sometimes wonder if heaven exists does that mean hell does to? if so how is a decision made about who ends up were? Is there some sort of cosmic balance like the Egyptians believed in or something far greater? All questions that no one can truly answer until the day they die. I know so many people that believe in something greater then this life we live everyday until the day we perish. The thing is if God gave us free will does that mean he or she also gave the angels free will or are they more bound? MY mother and I got into a debate about such thoughts. She believes that when one dies their soul gets lifted to "paradise", but if you had a bad soul like say "Hitler" you are brought right back for a do over. She also believes that once up there you no longer feel deep all consuming love, nor fear or sorrow. I mean ya who doesn't want to be happy 24/7.  I don't know it's just so hard to imagine somewhere so perfect. I many not enjoy all of of my life and some of the events that have taken place but at the same time I cherish them. If you never experienced every emotion there is out there then you aren't really living. I can't say I 100% love her theory but there are really good points, it's just I don't know . I guess I have my own views on what I hope heaven 's like. Not quite sure what they are but I know it's somewhere inside me. Honestly lately I've felt closer to God and nature then ever before. The last questions that keeps spinning around in my mind is if heaven and hell are real that would mean God and Lucifer are real too. And if so that would mean God made him, for he was one of his angels right?, so there for in a way God would have helped in creating hell...That is of course the angels have free will like us. And if Lucifer is real, is his evil as clear cut as we think it is? Or is there a bigger reason for his existence? Who knows maybe God and him work together to keep a balance in the universe..!
Tuesday 31 July 2012
Well today was quite the interesting day if I do say so my self. I don't think I've had this much fun in awhile lol..It's was round 2 for Patch in the YACrushTournament by blogger Amy. Let me just say that every TeamPatch member was on high alert today..Didn't fall asleep till five in the morning because i was too busy chatting away with Josh heheh and while doing so i kept checking on the happenings on Twitter and saw that the war against the AMAZING book characters had begone. So naturally i began my Patch is AWESOME campaign. My eyes were burning and tearing up but i kept at it for a bit. I perhaps got maybe if i was lucky 4 hours of sleep. When i work up a bit after nine I already have a bunch of Twitter messages from my fav girls Miss French and Miss Jen. With my eyes only half open i took a peak at what they had said, much to my horror my lovely Patch was losing to a stinking vampire, wth right...The whole day the girls and I kept finding way to cheat and be able to vote more for our fav FALLEN ANGEL. We were all on over drive and trying to think of ways to get him more vote from the rest of the fans. Well we didn't have to wait long for the answer because thanks to the AMAZINGLY AWESOME Becca Fitzpatrick she decided that the more vote her great character got the more money she would donate to children getting book. Honestly I think that's an amazing cause, because I believe that ever child in the world deserves to have the right to read and to learn how to read. Books are one of the strongest tools know to mankind. Without imagination and the power of books and the different worlds they transport us too, the world would be a very boring place. So thanks to her "push" Patch slowly started moving up in the polls. So me being semi creative made a picture to help the cause and because i posted it on FB on the Hush Hush site they took it and even mentioned me and on top of that Drew Doyon the Patch cover model shared it on his page. I was so incredibly touched that i tweeted to him. I never thought he would answer back but he totally did and i was in ah lol. Patches army was kicking some major ass that we ended up hitting the numbers of votes we had to so that Becca would donate YAY us!!The polls got close to each other that Miss Frenchy and I lost it a few times and lost it hahha and Miss Jen had to straighten us out hehehh. But in the end we all prevailed and Patch won the fight to go onto round 3. I'm so happy that I caved and joind Twitter because I met the most amazing people like Miss Frenchy, Miss British, Miss Jen , PatchesOtherGirl among others :) I've gotten tweets from my favourite authors and more. I don't think there could have been a better advocate for Patch, because Jen did an amazing job regardless if all of us fans helped her man win the match. I'm looking forward to round 3, it's going to be a nail bitter, have to work on my art work for it :)
Wednesday 25 July 2012
People in this day and age spend too much time focusing on the lives of the "famous"crowd, instead of concentrating on whats going on in their own. If people stopped focusing so hard on other peoples life maybe things in this world would change, or maybe not but one never knows unless change is mad. Sure I'm like every other person on the planet i read my gossip magazines and love juicy relationship scandals lol after all i am only human:p. Biggest scandal hitting the news stands is Kristen Stewart has cheated on the love of her life Robert Pattinson......OH NO THE WORLD IS OFFICIALLY OVER.!!!!!hahah or so some people would like to think. I don't know why people are getting so upset about this and acting like it has ruined their lives. Some lady actually posted a video on YouTube yelling and getting frustrated because K-Stew cheated and how she is a terrible person and that people should be butting into their lives. Yet by posting this video she is doing exactly what she's complaining about, she is whining over other peoples lives whom she doesn't or will ever know. She literally cried tears over it, CRIED like seriously why!!on earth would you cry over something like that. People got to calm down when it comes to the celebrity lives and change their brain waves onto matters of the world that are more tragic then a teen breakup... 
Has the world really evolved since our early years or is now more primitive? This day in age we have developed better technology but at what cost? Sure medical development has never been better but at the same time more people now days are dying because of malnutrition and starvation. Technology may have advanced us in medical, but not all advancements are for the better. Now days weapons are more assessable and deadlier. Most country don't have any gun control nor does the government really care on that matter. Innocent blood is being shed all over the world every day. In the Middle East family are gunned down, people are blown up and families are ripped apart. Women have no rights and aren't free to be their own person. Children in Africa are still starving to death no matter how much effort the rest of the world puts in to help. It seems that the world has become more violent and chaotic thanks to new technology, people have become more selfish and cold towards the things that should matter. this world is in so much disarray and no one seems to really care or know how to help stop it. Look at what happened in Colorado, so many Innocent people where killed and injured, and it could have been some what prevented if there had been a law against purchasing so much ammunition and guns. Everything going on this world is saddening and tragic. It makes my heart hurt and really believe that no we haven't truly changed, we have only gotten worse and more barbaric.......
Monday 23 July 2012
Social networking is it really all that good for today's society? Or is it more of a hassle?. I guess the only way for one to have an opinion on such matter would have to explore different forms of it and experience it for them selves. Sometimes you just get pressured into join certain groups because your friends of co-works beg you too because apparently it's "to die for" or "you'll be so cool and down with the new trends". I'm one of those lovely sucks whom got suckered into join, Facebook, Twitter, Tagged and even started a blog lol. Not all of my experiences have been the greatest on most of those site but i did meet very interesting people out of it. Facebook to me is more of a place to keep in touch with certain people i care about and having a place for me to keep my pictures so I don't have to worry about losing them. Tagged well I don't really know what to say about that site lol except that it was very interesting and crazy, some people I've met on there i miss like my amazing Japanese friend Hiroshi..he was so adorable. My blog well most of the time I love it, I mean I pretty much get to say and express my self in any way I want to and its great. I don't really think lots of people read it but the ones that do I'm thankful for it :). Now Twitter one of the biggest trends have gotten me hooked lol. I tweet everyday friends think in the morning when I wake up and honestly I love it. I've met too great people on there with whom I love talking to. The are crazy and weird and so out there but I love it because I can associate my self with them and we always have something to talk about, whether it be about a book or movie or why the English and the French hate each other :P. I think being on the right social networking site can be a great thing in may way, you get to meet and learn different things from people from different walks of life. Getting to know my two new Twitter friends is great because i get to laugh and have fun and not really care what people think. Plus I get to hear about England and France more and make me more driven to get my shit together to travel one day :).
Monday 21 May 2012
To forgive someone is probably one of the toughest things for me to do. I'm the type of person that sadly holds grudges until the day they die. I have the tendency to remember the meanest and crappiest things people have said or done to me. I don't know how many times i wish i could just forget shit and push my pride aside.
Sunday 20 May 2012
I've never really been one to think about cancer or someone close to me dying but it has always been at the back of my mind..A few weeks ago one of my oldest and dearest friends told me news that will forever change her life.Her mother whom she is every close to and loves dearly found a lump in her breast and the doctors discovered that it was cancerous. She had went for many test and had to wait weeks for the results, which i think is retarded for something this horrible our health care system should be alot fast and more sufficient..It infuriates me to see it neglect the people who need the most attention ugh. After waiting weeks they found out it's pretty bad, she has stage 3 cancer :(, she just recently started chemotherapy which is making her vary sick and unable to eat much, she will have to go for surgery and get her breast removed. I honestly don't know how my friend can handle all of this the way she is, she amazes me. She told me that shes just trying to stay positive and try to keep up faith that it will get better. At ever possible chance I get that she needs me, even for just shopping, i'm there in a heart beat. I've been trying to keep her distracted and keep her mind on other things but i just wish there was more I could do for them. As long as she needs me i'll be there to help her in anyway I can because I hate seeing her go through this..:( I keep hoping and praying( even though i'm not the most religious person out there) that her mom will get better and make it through this..I pray that one day cancer will never be an issue in this world.
Monday 26 March 2012
So I've had a very interesting two weeks, i swear I've barely been home, been dragged out with friends to do so many things from parties, to shopping for 80"s theme clothing lol I'm about ready to pass out :P. But the most interesting thing about this week is i had a DATE yes people i said me,i had a date :P. We went the Forks for a walk and shit lol, he's a nice guy but i don't know, I'm actually enjoying my single life, no worries about being there for someone its kind of freeing not gonna lie, but my friends keep telling me to get out there and date but to me its like why? I'm not one of those girls that need a man in her life but they don't seem to get it ugh of well lol. The crazy thing is for the longest time I've been saying shit like ugh i want to kiss someone and hold and just be held but boy now that it happened I'm like meh hahahah. We made out and i felt nothing at all, i don't know if it was because of nerves or just no spark.....But he was lovely enough to inform me that oh he did feel something that day lol if you get what i mean lol. My friend is all like take it as a complement that you made a guy hard just from kiss him hahahahah. I swear i've heard the best lines ever from guys, from "I'd prefer you didn't break up with me" to " your attractive enough" to the latest one " your hips were mesmerising me, and you're an epic kisser a very sensual girl" hahah oh boy guys amuse me :P
Thursday 2 February 2012
I swear this year can't get any better, I'm having the time of my life. I've met some amazing people at school, the are so funny and crazy and i love them all. I made a new friend and i love him to pieces :). So far I'm doing pretty good, not quite sure if this is really what i want to do for the rest of my life so I'm going to give it a month and see how it goes and if not I'm going to look at different schools and see whats out there is this big wonderful world....Love you all xoxoxox