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Tuesday, 26 April 2011
I feel so out of place, like there is no room for me in this world. I feel lost and confused as to what I'm here for. People say to me I'm important to them, that I matter. Then why is it I never feel like I do matter. You open up to people and tell then how you feel hoping they will feel the same way about you. You tell someone you love them and that they mean the world to you, yet when they say it back you feel empty inside. I don't think you should feel empty when it's said to you, a person should feel a warm heat pass through their body, an overwhelming sensation of love and happiness. Then someone please explain to me why I feel so dead inside when I'm told he loves me and that I matter to him? Why do I feel the need to run away from him and never look back. Block him from my life for good. My mind is screaming at me to see something that isn't there. Maybe he was right, maybe my mind is clouded by my feelings for him. Maybe I'm too lost in a fantasy that will never happen. Maybe I'm so lost in the picture he painted in my head that I can't see who he really is. My world crashes down on me every time he says he has nobody, that everyone he cared about is gone. My voice wants to scream out to him what about me, don't you see me, can't you see I'm still here and I still care. I've always been here why can't you see that. Your boo isn't the only one that you had in your life, I'm here, I mean I know I can't be there beside you and make you happy. I just wish you could acknowledge the fact I do exists, that I haven't left your life even if everyone else you know has. I wanna be happy in life and not feel dead anymore. I wish he could have what he wants in life and decide what he wants from me...I'm here yes but I know he needs someone over there and I'm not and probably never will be so let me go then, be with the one you want right now.