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Friday, 17 January 2014
Anger is such a powerful emotion, it can literarily consume you. I never thought of myself as a very angry person but I think that notion has changed. I find myself constantly angry, I'm starting to have no more patience or faith in anything. How I define myself right now in this very movement is "COLD". The things I once loved and held dear to me have lost their significance. In all honestly I think I feel this way because I am sick of disappointments, failed promises and lack of caring on my friends part. My job is stressing me, my life is stressing me, I hate that I thought I had repaired broken friendships when it's clear as day they have not forgiven me. I feel like a complet fool in so many aspecs of my life. I feel as if I can no longer trust myself let alone anyone else. I've been lied too, talked about and betrayed yet I can not talk about it because what I say is all  lies and I bring it upon myself. I hate to feel pity for myself and I wish to drag my ass out of this tortuous feeling but I have no idea how to do so anymore. I have no one really who's around me that I can truly count on. I want to break down and cry but I feel as if they are all dried up. I'm seriously lost, I need to find my way again. So many people have faith in me yet I have none for myself. I need an escape, somewhere to go and be free for awhile. I'm just sick of caring for people that don't care for me, I'm frustrated with myself when it comes to always seeing the good in other people yet those people pull me down. I sicken myself with who I am lately, I feel like there's this ball of darkness that's swirling around inside of me and sooner or later I won't be able to hold it back and the worst version of me will be unleashed. I don't want to let it out, part of me wants a little of the strangth and power it would bring, I almost want to let the bitchy meg out and let the world and those who've played me know how they have affected me, but then I stop and think that's not the person I want to be.