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Thursday 5 May 2011

I've never felt like this.....

03:00 | Posted by Unknown | | Edit Post
I can't breath, my body is shaking and i just can't stop it. my heart races and feels like something is ripping at it with claws. My eyes burn red with tears swelling behind them. i'm a mess and i can't control my self. I feel like i wanna die just to escape this pain in my chest, i know thats horrible to say but i can't help it. I want someone to rip my heart out of me now...i'm having problems just trying to type cuz my tears are making my vision blurry. I can't even walk with out my legs giving out on me and wanting to crawl in a ball and never get up. I've felt this pain before but this time its so much worse. I can't even explain it properly..My head hurts from the water works that are happening in my eyes..Does love even exists or is it something we just dream up cuz i don't know anymore. I give up on it, its not worth feeling this way, feeling so empty inside that you wish you where dead for real instead of this empty vessel that everyone sees....I want this to go away, i dont want to feel this anymore...I wish you would have told me right from the start instead of hiding it and making me believe you where in love with me..........i want to sleep but im scared ill dream of stuff id rather not....but secretly i hope  when i fall asleep that i wont have to wake up. that i can be lost in my dream no matter what it is just so i dont have to wake to the pain i know will still be waiting for me the moment i open my eyes.....i wanna lock my self in the darkness of my room and be lost in thought until i get better and just leave everything and everyone behind for a bit.....I have no escape, no freedom from this curse i brought onto my self.....i guess this is what i had asked from when i fell for him....
TEARS ARE THE WORDS MY HEART USES TO EXPLAIN WHEN MY FAKE SMILE CAN'T COVER UP MY PAIN, I"M TRYING REALLY HARD NOT TO CRY OVER YOU BECAUSE EVERY TEAR IS JUST A REMINDER OF HOW MUCH I CAN'T LET GO.
you feel so much pain. you can't help your self you feel like no one cares. you feel like you don't deserve anything. you cry at night thinking why this is happening to you, why you need to do this to yourself you may not cut your self but in your head you are. you hate the fact you think about the past of what have happened. this is what you feel. keep your head up. thats what i try to do

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