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Monday, 9 May 2011
Letting go of someone who meant the world to you is really tough. It feels like you're splitting your self in half and leaving the other half with them. Thats how i'm feeling right now, i feel only half here, i feel weird and empty. It almost feels like im standing in a crowed naked, exposed to the emptiness i feel now that your gone. I know that walking aways for good this time is the best thing for both me and him but why does it feel so wrong then. I mean now that i cut him from my life completely i feel a bit better, a weight has been lifter off of me but still its strange. We used to text and cam and talk almost every day and now all there is is silence. I'll never see him or talk to him again, because i refuse to chase after someone who doesnt want me to. I want to be cared about, showered with love and thought of, i want to mean the world to someone. That no matter what happens that person will be there for me and I for them. I've gotten tired of being there for them and have them use me, i dont need that especially from someone i cared about so much. I had to say this but i want him to suffer this kind of pain and i know he is right now, now you know what its like to worry about someone other then your self and miss them so much that it kills you inside everyday, to love them to no end to feel helpless that you can't be there for them. I know how it feels like but he never understood exactly how i felt nor did he care. I loved him with no end, a part of me always will love him even if hes an asshole. He was never good for me but there was just something about him that made me want to stay and help him in life but enough is enough. It's time to let things go an move on, let him destroy his life, i wont sit there and watch it unfold any longer. He has people now in his life again that will stay there for him and thats good but i just wont be one of them....If he wants me in his life he knows how to reach me but i wont hold my breath he was never one to chase after me so.....i'm letting go.......